The Rules of Grief of a Suicide Loss

On the third Saturday of November, we celebrate the International Day of Survivor to Loss by Suicide, with the will to visualise the thousands of people who suffer a loss in the Spanish State each year for this cause, and to share all their pain with them. 

In 2018, 3,539 people died in Spain from suicide, of which 522 were in Catalonia, a figure similar to the last ten years. According to the World Health Organisation, each act of suicide affects a minimum of 6 people, depending on the effective link that exists, so we can estimate that around 21,000 people are affected annually by a suicide loss without, with few exceptions, existing initiatives that take care of such a large group. 

The grief that entails a suicide loss, still socially invisibilized and subject to stigma and numerous myths, is a difficult journey for those who live through it. The risk of silencing it, of not being able to go through a healthy process, precipitates survivors to develop serious psychological and physical conditions that can prolong it for a long time and engage them in suicidal behaviour.

We must authorise ourselves to express our grief, our affliction, which thousands of people equal to us suffer and claim the need for the existence of specialised resources, which help us to cope with our affliction and sorrow. 

Por este motivo, queremos humildemente contribuir a la pedagogía de una pérdida tan dolorosa como es la pérdida por suicidio, con este decálogo de recomendaciones.

For that reason, we humbly want to contribute to the pedagogy of a loss as painful as suicide loss, with this guide for recommendations. 

Saber #Hablemos Ayudar Prevenir

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The Rules of Grief of a Suicide Loss:

1. People don't react the same to the death of a loved one. Our response will be individual and related to who we are, to our education, personal and cultural experiences. 
2. Disguising how we feel isn't really good: it makes it difficult to communicate with people who love us and who may be feeling the same way we do. 
3. When we lose someone to suicide, it is normal for our world to become unbearable, unsafe, full of pain, and guilt. 
4. Grief can cause physical and mental pain. It is very convenient to go to the doctor and monitor our general health and, if necessary, seek the most appropriate psychotherapeutic help. 
5. Grief in relation to suicide poses a risk in its negative evolution, which is called complicated or traumatic grief, we must be aware of being attentive to a negative evolution to face it and be able to recognize that we need help. 
6. We need you to accompany us, to understand us, to comfort us, not to be told that this situation must be overcome. It is good to remember to be affectionate in our environment. 
7. Talking about our loss is necessary; reliving our experiences (what happened, how we experienced it...) is good for our development and for the integration of loss, so much that most people don't believe this. 
8. Loss and grief are full of myths and misconceptions, it is important that we learn about grief and seek proper information. 
9. Crying is good. Being very sad is normal. Not wanting to do anything is logical. Tell us what you need to tell us, we must ensure this is a normal state and know that it will continue for quite a long time. 
10. Life around us goes on, even if we don't want it to. As much as possible, we must find spaces to recover our lives and reformulate how we live it as a result of our loss.