"When I was sleeping, it was the only time I didn't suffer"
"When I was twelve years old my parents separated. I had a really bad time with the fight that was going on at home. It was a huge shock for me and my world fell on top of me. From then on, everything changed, I started drinking, smoking joints... Terrible." This is how Enric Garrigues begins to tell his story when you ask him about his addiction problems and depressive disorders , present in his life for more than thirty years . Now, already recovered and with his wife and two children, he looks back and thinks: "I have suffered so much in my life, that now I don't want to suffer anymore."
For him, alcohol addiction has been both a cause and a consequence of his depressions, he tells us without any taboo: "Alcohol neutralizes your brain and makes you happy. But it's a spiral, you're in there and you do what you can." And in the most complicated moments, of which there were a few, Enric only felt sadness and thought he couldn't go anywhere anymore. Then, "the best moment of the day was when I went to sleep, because, if I didn't have a nightmare, it was the only time I didn't suffer."
I stopped drinking fourteen years ago and it's something I never thought I could do.
And in this spiral that he talks about and that dragged him for so many years, without a job, without money, with debts, with accumulated life situations that made it difficult for him to get out of it, he tried to end his life twice. But he got out of it. "I stopped drinking fourteen years ago and it's something I never thought I could do," he recalls with some pride. And then he had to start over.
The recovery model from the perspective of its protagonists
But if there is one aspect that stands out in his recovery process from depressive disorder, it is the Baix Llobregat Day Hospital (Barcelona). "I went there every day for four months and it went very well for me. You have a routine, they set you some guidelines, they help you recover and also to return to the job market, and you can share with other people who have gone through the same thing." And looking up, he remembers: "Of course, until I went there, I was in bed all day."
The couple, their great support
Enric's face changes when he talks about his family. "Family has been everything in my recovery." And among his family, his greatest support has been his wife , who he is surprised by "the strength she has to carry on." And he shares with us the day his wife told him "either you stop or I'll leave with our son," and he decided to stop, stop drinking and look for solutions. He has also felt accompanied by his friends, his in-laws... by the people who love him and, obviously, by his two children.
The path has been long and not easy, with relapses and ups and downs, and he has had to change many dynamics, customs and habits. And how does he manage to continue on this path? He says that all he does is work and be with his family, that "the most important thing is to be busy , because when you are very busy, you can't be busy, and that's a fish that bites its own tail". However, he acknowledges that, apart from work, it is difficult for him to do other things. He also includes medication in this recovery process, which helps him "to be well".
My greatest support has been my wife, who still surprises me with her strength to carry on.
"If you want to heal , you have to put yourself in the hands of professionals , that's clear," warns Enric. "If I've made it, anyone can make it, really. You have to grab a thread that you believe can help you and pull it."
Accompanying a person with depression
Stigma, fear and life
"I don't go around with a megaphone preaching what happened to me, but if someone wants to listen, I'll calmly tell them," he tells us. Enric has no qualms about telling his story, despite the stigma surrounding mental health disorders. "Some people think that you don't work because you're lazy, for example, and not because you're exhausted and can't get up to go to work. But that's total ignorance. I don't care what they think of me at all, because this can happen to anyone and I think everyone should know about it." He has shared his experience with his eldest son, especially with alcohol addiction, "perhaps avoiding the hardest moments," aware that talking about it is a good method of prevention. "And when the little one gets a little older, I'll tell him too," he adds.
Enric feels recovered . During the conversation he has told us several times that he feels happy, always with the addition of "in my own way" and without hiding that he has fears and anxieties, especially thinking that something could happen to his wife or children: "I am a rather negative person, who always thinks of the worst", he confesses. He works, perhaps "a little too stressed", he feels recognized and this raises his self-esteem, he accompanies his son to football, he has moments on the sofa and blanket, he believes that he should start taking care of his back... and he continues to enjoy one of his great passions: music. "If I look at it from a perspective, now I feel good...in my own way".
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