"What's wrong with me, Dad? I can't stop this anger."
I want this writing to serve as an attempt to explain how the onset of my daughter Sara's psychotic disorder has affected and changed life in our family environment.
Seven years ago, we noticed behavioral problems in our daughter, including violent outbursts and fits of rage, accompanied by difficulties in her studies and relationships with her classmates. We knew something was wrong, and so began a long journey through speech therapists and psychologists. They quickly ruled out dyslexia and ADHD, but our daughter's behavior became increasingly violent and irrational. I remember one afternoon, coming home from work, finding her sitting on her bed, her voice trembling, and tearfully saying to me, "What's wrong with me, Dad? I can't stop this rage." That was the final straw that led us to seek help from the medical team at Itaka, the psychiatric inpatient unit at Sant Joan de Déu Hospital in Barcelona.
Warning signs of psychotic disorders in adolescents
I'll never forget the day we sat down in the doctor's office with Sara's doctor, who told us she was suffering from psychosis and was having an episode; it was urgent that she be admitted. Needless to say, until that day, we had a huge lack of knowledge about mental health disorders, and we were bewildered and uncertain. Sara was admitted immediately and began treatment with her medication. I fondly remember those parents we met in the waiting room every afternoon, waiting to visit our children. It was surprising to see how many of us had children hospitalized… And it can happen to anyone.
I will never forget the day we sat in the doctor's office with the doctor who was treating Sara and she told us that she was suffering from psychosis and was having an episode; it was urgent to admit her.
Over the years, there have been more hospital admissions, and we've learned more about our daughter's disorder, adapting our lives to help her. This disorder doesn't just affect the person; it also harms those around them. We must protect her and ourselves with the most powerful weapon we humans possess: love for our children, patience, and understanding. We must remember that when, in their worst moments, they scream, swear, and throw tantrums, it's not our children we're dealing with, but the disorder that has them trapped in its web, and they are fighting to break free and overcome it.
Factors that increase the risk of having a psychosis
There is still much to be done in this society we live in, much intolerance stemming from ignorance that we must confront, much social awareness of what it means to have a son or daughter with a mental disorder, much research to improve the medications that are necessary, as with all illnesses, to improve their quality of life… But I am sure that, with the human qualities of our medical teams, who are exceptional people, and with the unconditional love of her family, my daughter Sara will be able to live a life full of beautiful things.
We must remember that when, in their worst moments, they scream, insult, and throw tantrums, it is not our children we have in front of us, but the disorder that has them trapped in its web.
I want these words to serve as a way of thanking all those people who have helped my daughter throughout her life, even those who tried and couldn't; to my wife Ana, for the support she gives us; to Núria, for her tolerance and empathy; and to the most important person in my life, my daughter Sara, because I am very proud of her as her father, of her struggle and strength to face the life she has had to live.
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