There is light at the end of the tunnel
I chose this title for my testimony as the father of a girl who suffered from an eating disorder and has since recovered, because this was the phrase that stuck with me in the very beginning of my daughter's illness. A mother whose daughter also suffered from an eating disorder said it to me, holding my arm, during a group therapy session for parents at the treatment center. Those were moments of utter despair, of not understanding, of fear, and, of course, of resignation in accepting what was happening.
We had become part of the eating disorder community, something we had previously refused to do when the disorder had already shown signs of life in my daughter a few months earlier. We resisted the idea that our daughter, that "top" girl, magnificent in her studies, first in sports, in languages, in music, with an intense social life—in short, the daughter any parent could wish for—had been kidnapped by an invisible monster that was destroying her.
Accepting the reality of what was happening – I always describe it metaphorically – was like sitting in our living room watching television, and suddenly, without knowing why or from where, a bomb fell in the middle of us, destroying everything, destroying our lives.
I suspect my daughter or son has an eating disorder, what should I do?
My daughter started treatment, and the whole family supported her intensively to achieve the goal: her recovery. So many unanswered questions arose during those days! I wanted information, to know which was the best center to admit my daughter to, where the best professionals were to treat her, how long her recovery would take, and so on. Unfortunately, there were no answers to my questions because recovery from an eating disorder, as a mental illness, cannot be predicted. It depends on each person and many other uncontrollable factors, but just thinking that one of the alternatives could be that she might never recover devastated us and created a panic that often plunged us into depression and despair.
While the treatment was underway, our lives changed completely, and we had to incorporate strange habits into our daily routines, often with resignation and anger due to a lack of understanding. But we came to the conclusion that if the professionals in charge of my daughter's recovery established them, and sometimes even imposed them, there must be a reason. So we decided to trust them and follow their rules to the letter. Now I sincerely believe that this was part of the success of my daughter's recovery, even though at times we had to turn our home into a kind of prison and we into her jailers.
After a couple of years, we began to see some positive results, although there were also significant relapses. My daughter started to recover, in a different way, a little of the life that had been taken from her (friends, studies, relationships, social life, etc.). Everything was very carefully managed, but we were beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel .
Part of the success of my daughter's recovery was incorporating the habits and guidelines established by the professionals.
It took another two and a half years before my daughter was finally discharged from the treatment center. Those were four and a half years of suffering and complete dedication to my daughter's recovery, but together we managed, first, to weaken the monster and, later, to annihilate it. It wasn't an easy time, but now that more than three years have passed since her recovery and our daughter is living a completely normal life, we realize that we all learned something from that experience. We all became more forgiving, more empathetic, more tolerant, more understanding. Many things that were extremely important at the time are now completely secondary or irrelevant. I'd like to think that we became better people and that we've managed to distance ourselves from this demanding environment in which we live, an environment that pretends to be a model of virtue and, in many cases, challenges it, even if only slightly.
Those were not easy times, but now that it's over, we realize that we learned something from that experience: we all became more permissive, empathetic, tolerant, and understanding.
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"There is light at the end of the tunnel" could be the story of a war against an unknown enemy, one we fought for a time. A war we were able to face with the best weapons: our daughter's recognition and acceptance of the problem, the absolute willingness and dedication of our closest circle to collaborate with the treatment, and, of course, the essential fact of having a center specializing in eating disorder treatment that guided us in the battle. And we won!
I want to emphasize that this close support network (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, guardians—in short, family and closest friends) must always be recharged, as supporting the affected person through treatment can be very difficult and draining. We must, therefore, be patient and remain calm, and for this reason, caregivers need to be in good spirits and mentally strong to cope with the situation. When we feel our energy waning, we should find someone to step in and replenish our energy. The Association Against Anorexia and Bulimia (ACAB), where I currently serve as vice president, has been incredibly helpful to me with its weekly support meetings for family members of affected individuals. These meetings, led by a psychologist, are not strictly therapy sessions, but they are very therapeutic.
Four and a half years and the light at the end of the tunnel appeared. A long, intense, exhausting journey, but finally rewarded, because there is healing .
This testimony is possible thanks to the Associació Contra l'Anorèxia i la Bulímia (ACAB).
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