"Playing became the only time I felt good."

My mother took me to the Adolescent Addictive Behaviors Unit at Sant Joan de Déu Hospital in Barcelona (UCAD), although I don't remember much of that time. When I look back, I see that I gambled a lot, but even now I find it hard to recognize that I had a problem. Little by little. I think that if I had had the leisure opportunities I have now, I might not have gambled so much.

This was in my third year of secondary school. I remember it being my worst year, due to emotional problems . I was in a relationship where neither of us was in a good place emotionally, and we were feeding off each other's distress. There came a point when he started treating me badly without thinking; I knew it wasn't the best thing, but at the time I didn't see it as such a big deal. Also, I wasn't getting along well with my classmates, and things weren't good at home either. The truth is, I remember feeling awful and not comfortable anywhere. And I started gambling a lot , and the situation became increasingly tense. Then, at this point, I was forced to go to the UCAD (Center for Attention to Victims of Drug Addiction).

I've always played more than my classmates, but when I was little, it didn't interfere with my relationships with others or my studies. Overuse of screens coincided with a difficult emotional period in my life, and playing with my friends became the only time I could relax. I had a great time playing, but afterward, I'd get a lot of scolding from my parents, and even then, I kept playing.

When my mother started restricting my gaming time, things got even worse. There were more arguments at home because all I wanted to do was play. Locking myself in my room was the only thing that made me feel good , but then I felt awful and worried that my mother would come in and scold me. After a while, my mother stopped monitoring my screen time, which made me calmer because I knew there wouldn't be any more fights.

The truth is, I remember feeling unwell and not feeling comfortable anywhere. And then I started gambling a lot.

I think I was in such a bad place back then that I wouldn't have taken advantage of the opportunities I have now. I reached a point where I didn't feel like doing anything or even leaving the house. Just thinking about it stressed me out; I felt out of place, like I didn't belong there, and I didn't enjoy talking to people. So I stayed home all day playing games; I could spend more than twelve hours a day in front of a screen. I was diagnosed with depression.

I knew I was playing more than usual, and I knew it was hurting me. I knew it was preventing me from doing other things and straining my relationship with my parents, but I didn't see it that way because it was the only time I felt okay. Even my friends told me I was unreachable and always at home playing games. I don't know if ADHD played a role in all of this; I just know that at some point I started feeling worse, I became depressed, and my screen time got worse too.

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Recover and move forward

Going to the UCAD has helped me focus and find a better path . Although I was partly aware that I had a problem and my mother tried to solve it, it was no use and only made the situation worse. I think the best thing has been to gradually set limits on this use at a pace I can manage, because otherwise neither I nor my family would have been able to cope.

I think I'm doing better now. But I think that if I'm feeling down emotionally or have nothing better to do and I get stressed out talking to people again, I might go back to shutting myself away with the screens. In my case, I think I have to be careful not to fall back into a low mood to avoid playing too much again. I've tried to get better so I can start taking advantage of opportunities, but I've also taken advantage of some opportunities, and that's made me feel better. It's all a bit of a balancing act.

I've been going to the gym for two weeks now; I don't know if I'll last long, because I haven't been able to do it before, but now I'm not in the same place, now I'm doing well.

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