My daily life: brilliance and discomfort at the same time

My daily life has always been very complex, to the point that if I become too overwhelmed, I can only regain energy by isolating myself and disconnecting from my surroundings. However, I'm currently going through a period of greater self-awareness and transformation that allows me to avoid collapsing so often.

It's exhausting dealing with so many disruptions all the time; it's like living in survival mode, constantly on alert for:

• Social interaction: misunderstandings, naiveté, blocks.
• Information processing: slow reactions, difficulty organizing speech, difficulty accessing vocabulary, mental rigidity.
• The integration of sensory stimulation: tactile and other sensory discomfort, difficulty in temperature regulation...
• Executive functions: working memory, impulse control.
• Other factors not visible to others and not generally recognized, such as: sleep disturbances, eating disorders, psychomotor disorders, somatization, OCD, ADHD and a long etcetera.

When I feel I don't have enough energy to do what others do effortlessly, like attending a family gathering or meeting up with friends for leisure activities, I feel very vulnerable, especially when what I'm going through isn't understood because it's not readily apparent. Most of the time, I only manage to conserve enough energy to get through work, leaving all sorts of everyday tasks and matters unfinished. If I try to do everything, the burnouts are so severe that they leave me physically and mentally drained for hours or even days.

What is helping me is focusing on my skills, abilities, potential, and present and future projects, as well as learning to pace myself and apply all the necessary adaptations.

If I try to cover everything, the breakdowns are so great that they leave me without strength, neither physical nor mental, for hours or days.

Thanks to the therapists who have recognized my strong communication and awareness skills, I'm developing several of my passions: giving talks, training, and writing. Now, empowered to take charge, I'm developing my coaching skills. I'm finding it difficult to respect my own pace because I want to be like everyone else. But far from stopping me, this has made me an expert at finding shortcuts, such as working and collaborating with inclusive organizations where I'm treated naturally and made to feel like one of them, despite my challenges.

Strategies for facing new challenges

Throughout my life, I have lost health and many opportunities that everyone should be able to experience with a guarantee of success. Now I have more experience, more hope, more resources, and strategies to face new challenges. Furthermore, the effort and satisfaction of being able to do what fulfills me renews my energy and allows me to pursue other goals and dreams. My great willpower and determination help me move forward despite the obstacles. My courage, thanks to a strong survival instinct and an extraordinary disability, has allowed me to adapt to very unfavorable circumstances despite the toll it has taken.

I've been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in adulthood… Now what?

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Great intelligence, perseverance, consistency, discipline, and the fact that I'm largely self-taught also play a role. And what has helped me most to keep going, with the hope that there will be future social changes that favor greater support and recognition of autism and neurodiversity, is my strong intuition. It never fails me; it gives me inner peace and well-being, which lead me to significant changes without overexertion, thus compensating for my shortcomings.

Throughout my life I have lost health and many opportunities that everyone should be able to experience with a guarantee of success. Now I have more experience, more hope, more resources, and more strategies to face new challenges.

Furthermore, the skills I've learned allow me to build more stable and lasting social connections, now that over the years I've learned to relate better and maintain longer-term relationships. Therefore, my opportunities for success and recognition in everything I do have multiplied, and I'm able to go further than before in achieving the goals and objectives I set for myself.

I want to start my own business and fully commit to new challenges despite not having enough support and recognition from society and government agencies. I've even considered moving abroad, to a country with better social and employment support, like Sweden, where my partner lives.

For now, I'm focusing on short-term goals that will lead me to my long-term objectives. What works for me is not forcing things, something I've unfortunately done for much of my life, driven by the need and self-imposed pressure to fit in at all costs. Now I have more confidence and self-assurance, and I'm already undertaking several personal initiatives daily that counteract the discomfort I regularly experience, perpetuated more by social stigma and taboos than by other factors.

A lifetime with ASD

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Changes and improvements in people with ASD are possible

Among these initiatives, I've returned to one of my strengths: studying languages to activate my episodic memory and so that one day I can give lectures around the world. I recently recovered memories from my life story. Other initiatives have included finding a life partner, my cat, and getting back to volunteering, but in my own way. These activities have saved me from falling into a depression after reaching the limits of despair and helplessness. And they have helped me to emerge stronger and with a greater conviction that individual changes can help me move forward and that there will be further collective changes if everyone is given equal opportunities.

What works for me is not forcing things, something I have unfortunately done for much of my life, due to the need and self-imposed pressure to fit in at all costs.

What also helps me feel good is watching old sitcoms , true crime shows (which is one of my great passions; I'm very analytical, logical, and deductive), motivational videos, and listening to music. And I've started drawing again (I lost my inspiration in 2009).

I can still do many things, but lost time is gone forever, and I want to prevent this from happening to others by raising awareness, visibility, and understanding, sharing this enthusiasm that change and improvement are possible. For example, simply replacing the words "disorder" and "disability" with more appropriate and positive ones will change our perception of them.

Now I see life from a new perspective, one I've never experienced before, filled with hope, resilience, enthusiasm, and confidence. Nothing can stop me from doing everything I know how to do and going as far as I can, even if it takes me longer than most to learn and put it into practice.