Losses can be gains
No one is prepared to experience an eating disorder (ED) at home. In a way, it's like an earthquake that destroys everything, that changes all the dynamics and routines you had. Suddenly, you find yourself alone, devastated, without everything that gave you security, asking yourself so many questions for which you can't find answers, and without being able to hold on to anything.
When my parents told me that my sister might have EAD, I remember an intense chest pain. How could we be experiencing that? My sister was always so attentive, energetic, social... How could she have EAD? Over time, you learn that EAD does not discriminate and that it can appear in any home and in any person, regardless of their life, gender, size...
That first piece of news was the beginning of a very long journey; of spending the holidays between the green walls of a hospital room, of confusion, frustration and a lot of sadness; of suffering immensely for everything: for my sister and for seeing my parents so devastated. It is difficult to express so much pain and so many emotions in words. I remember that it was very difficult for me to share what I was experiencing with my closest circle, because my heart would shrink and the pain would get stuck somewhere between my stomach and my mouth.
Marta Tena Briceño
I found refuge in my life outside of home. I had just started university and a world full of new people was opening up to me. But I often felt guilty for continuing my life project, feeling that at home the TCA had stopped everything.
Being able to talk about all these emotions in the support group of the Association against Anorexia and Bulimia (ACAB), of which I am now part of the volunteer team, helped me shed some light on so much darkness.
It was very difficult for me to share what I was experiencing with my closest circle, because my heart would shrink and the pain would get stuck somewhere between my stomach and my mouth.
I always like to mention a quote from Albert Espinosa, which could be a life lesson: "Losses are positive. Every loss is actually a gain." Yes, there may have been a lot of pain during the years my sister was kidnapped by the TCA, but I like to think that we also won. First of all, after many years of struggle, my sister managed to defeat the monster. And now, she is a brilliant little person who wants to eat the world. And, secondly, we gained a very great bond and many, many moments of tenderness. I remember a long day in the hospital when I lay in bed with her so that I could feel her a little closer. The tenderness of that moment is difficult to capture in these lines.
The role of siblings in the recovery process from ED is very complicated. In a way, you don't have parental responsibility, but suddenly your ally in the family is suffering a lot and out of the picture. Suddenly, everything changes and all the family attention is focused on ED. You see your parents suffering a lot and you feel the need to help as much as you can.
To all the siblings who are going through this situation, I would say to take great care of yourself, find your own refuge, find your life-saving circle to talk about everything you are going through, and hug your siblings a lot. Sometimes, all you need is to be there, to be and to be present. These emotional bonds that create tender moments can be a very important driving force for the person to have the strength to fight against EAD.
This testimony is possible thanks to the Association against Anorexia and Bulimia (ACAB)
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