"I just wanted to show a discomfort that no one saw"
Now I know that when I cut myself, I did it to show that I had a discomfort that no one could see, but that was inside me, that it was a way to physically show what was happening to me and to ask for help in some way. When I started doing it, I was fourteen years old. At first, I think it was a kind of self-inflicted punishment. When I was anxious, I would scratch myself, for other reasons, when I couldn't control the emotions that were causing me, I would cut myself. And so, after doing it so much, in the end I think it became a kind of habit for me.
When my parents were informed of what was happening at school, they couldn't understand it, they only knew how to question and criticize my actions without trying to find out why I was doing it. And this led to arguments, distancing and distrust , and I felt even more alone and the frequency of self-harm increased. In fact, I was increasingly isolated and my surroundings were moving away from me. But I never asked for help. It was my parents, who, overwhelmed by the situation and seeing that there was an associated eating disorder, decided to take me to the emergency room.
How can you avoid self-harm?
Three years later I can say that it has not been a one-day struggle, but an extremely long path in which there have been many moments in which I have wanted to throw in the towel. But we cannot stop walking towards the future we would like, towards being the person we would like to become. And that is what I have done, dialogue with myself, assess who I have been, who I am and who I want to be , change my perspective and evolve. What I now know is that the present moment is not forever, that it can change and improve. And time does not heal everything, as they usually say, but it does teach you to see things in a different way. Everyone is capable of overcoming these situations , each at their own pace, but seriously, if I have been able to, despite having had moments in which I have felt in the most absolute "misery", anyone else can do it too.
I think I was self-harming to physically show what was happening to me and somehow ask for help .
To be able to move forward, it has helped me a lot to feel useful, to be busy and distracted. In my case, helping others fills me up a lot and doing an internship in a residence has been very positive for me. But also, and this can be a message for the environment, it is very important to feel understood, loved, accompanied by your partner, friends and family, to have a "vitamin" person by your side.
And if you are going through a similar situation, don't think that you are only hurting "your present self", but also "your future self", and that you will leave a mark that will last forever. Think, above all, that you are not alone, ask for help and you will be able to get through it.
Clàudia is seventeen years old and is studying a training course in Nursing Assistants, probably because of her vocation to help people in need. But she also likes art in all its expressions: painting, sewing, singing, drawing... And here, sensitivity has a lot to do with it.
Clàudia began self-harming when she was fourteen. Her time at the Child and Youth Mental Health Center of the Althaia Foundation in Manresa has helped her overcome this situation, and now, with this perspective, she can share her experience: why did she self-harm? How did this behavior affect her family relationship? How was she able to overcome it? But the most valuable thing, surely, is the advice she gives to other boys and girls who are going through a moment like the one she went through.
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