"I've decided to focus on the day-to-day with my son, without worrying about things that might not happen."
Xavi is an 11-year-old boy in his sixth year of primary school, attending a mainstream school with the support of a teaching assistant. Like most children his age, he enjoys video games, running, hiding, and above all, he's passionate about dinosaurs. But if there's one thing that defines Xavi, according to his mother, Laura Collado, it's his affection, kindness, and innocence. "Xavi is pure love," she tells us with a smile.
Laura shares with us what daily life is like for her family with a child with autism. She discusses her worries and anxieties, but also the strategies they've used to provide their son with the tools he needs to grow up as independent as possible. Time has taught them not to anticipate their concerns, as Xavi has often surprised them with his progress.
Autism spectrum disorder interferes with some aspects of Xavi's daily life , for example, his learning : "He learns very visually; images help him understand the world better, and everything has to be very structured. But often, the materials aren't adapted to his needs," explains Laura. His resistance to change and his difficulty communicating and relating to other children are also obstacles that complicate his daily life. "He's very sociable with adults, but he struggles a lot with his peers because he doesn't know how, and other children often don't understand his behavior and keep their distance."
Sometimes I would get very worried about things that ultimately didn't happen, and living with that feeling is exhausting.
This rigidity in the face of change is one of Laura's worries when Xavi has to start secondary school next year. "Finishing primary school and leaving his lifelong friends is a huge change, and I don't know how he'll handle it. I'm also worried about what kind of classmates he'll find, whether they'll take advantage of his innocence, whether he'll be able to make friends... But it's also true that he usually leaves me feeling pretty bad: sometimes I expect the worst and then I'm surprised."
Nuria Perez
Like any mother, she feels some anxiety about her son's future , but over the years, she has decided to "focus on the day-to-day without looking too far ahead, and deal with situations as they arise, because sometimes I would worry a lot about things that ultimately didn't happen, and living with that feeling is exhausting." And indeed, with the help of therapists and family, Xavi has matured and learned day by day, often surprising his mother: "At first, I thought he wouldn't speak, wouldn't do math, wouldn't make friends... and all those worries haven't come true: he reads, he speaks, he adds, he subtracts... In his own time, but he does it." Now, Laura's goal is "to give him the tools so that he can continue to develop, and to worry about things when they arise and happen."
A change in family life
When Xavi talks about what he likes to do, his father, mother, and sister Jana are always very present in his life. They have had to change some family dynamics to adapt to Xavi's needs, but he has also become more flexible in his attitude, thanks to a lot of hard work on his part, many therapies, and the help of professionals.
"As a family, you enter an unknown world, and everything unknown is scary. With a lot of effort, we adapted to his needs, avoiding situations that caused him anxiety and nervousness, sometimes giving up things we used to do normally and that we enjoyed. At first, it was hard for us to leave the house unless it was for his routine or some activity he enjoyed, and anything outside of that was a problem. Over the years, as we've gotten to know his tastes and priorities and the rigidity has become more manageable, we've been able to negotiate new situations with Xavi that aren't solely for his enjoyment."
Although the path is not easy and at the time of embarking on it Laura saw "a dark future", now her perception has changed a lot: "Although it sounds like a cliché, our son has made us change the way we see life and now we look at, enjoy or cry in the present without going further and without judging."
This testimony is possible thanks to A ssociació Aprenem Autisme .
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