"I have been able to make sense of situations that I now know are part of their identity"
The first warning signs came from Alba and Joan's school. As is often the case with children with ADHD, the communications from the administration were constant: "She left the activity undone"; "She was supposed to bring something for Thursday and she didn't"; "Her handwriting is illegible"; "She forgot her wallet at school"... The teachers suspected there might be a reason behind these situations; and Domingo and Sandra, the parents, began administering the battery of tests that would lead to the diagnosis: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. And those same tests, Domingo explains, "also gave a name to some situations that until then I had understood as my wife's absentmindedness," whose ADHD diagnosis came at the same time as her children's.
Domingo tells us what it's like to live with three people with ADHD , what the family dynamics are like, how the disorder manifests in an adult and in two children of different ages, and how they manage some of the disorder's characteristics, such as impulsivity, racing thoughts, and difficulties with time and space. For now, to begin with, he assures us with a smile that he's keeping busy.
“They have deficits in some areas, but in others they have abilities that surpass everyone else,” explains Domingo, who affirms that “thanks to my children, I’ve gotten to know my wife better, and now I understand that some things I previously thought were absentmindedness are actually part of who she is, of her identity.” In this regard, he warns that “you have to learn to accept some details you don’t like so much and value those aspects you do like a lot, such as their creativity, their ability to connect with others, their ease of expression and analysis… Abilities that I don’t possess.”
But for harmonious living, it's also important to understand some characteristics of ADHD . "They feel like they can do twenty thousand things and you can only do ten thousand. This limits them, because in reality, you can only fit three twenty-minute things into an hour, but they think you can fit five, and you can't." Domingo attributes this to his hyperactivity and restlessness. "I always tell my wife that she hasn't learned to rest because she's always on the go, but rest is also important, and taking breaks is necessary. This is complicated in daily life because, for example, a weekend can start on Saturday at eight in the morning and end on Sunday at eleven at night. And often, in between, you have to find moments to catch your breath." Besides the restlessness and the difficulty managing time and space, Domingo also lists other situations typical of impulsivity, absentmindedness, and a lack of psychomotor skills.
A weekend can start on Saturday at eight in the morning and end on Sunday at eleven at night.
But if there's one thing Domingo is certain of, it's that "I've learned to love my partner much more since I accepted this situation. When you give meaning to certain details, you activate mechanisms of closeness, and this acceptance has led me to love her even more. I see that her actions are part of her personality, and above all, I see her brightest side."
Support at school and at home
Domingo and Sandra are happy with the role the school has played and continues to play in their children's education. They tell us that both of their children receive specific accommodations and academic support: "They aren't given different content than the rest of the class, but they are helped in certain ways, for example, by being given extra time to complete some exams." Learning difficulties are one of the issues that most often worries parents, but Domingo isn't concerned about his children's grades. What worried him was "the thought that my children weren't grasping even a quarter of what their classmates were. And that this, over time, would mean they wouldn't be able to cope, either personally or academically."
What worried me was the thought that my children weren't grasping even a quarter of what their classmates were grasping in class.
To prevent this from happening, the involvement of the school and the support Domingo mentions are crucial: "My son, for example, doesn't not understand math; it's that he confuses the multiplication and addition signs, and instead of adding, he multiplies. Of course, if there isn't a school that's aware of what's going on, and a teacher who's there to say, 'Check it, it's addition'... then he just does the operation because he knows how."
How to know if my child has a learning disorder
This support also extends to their home and daily lives, but Domingo emphasizes the difference between his 14-year-old daughter and his 12-year-old son , explaining that "the developmental process plays a significant role in ADHD. My daughter is at a different stage of development; she already has strategies for her own personal growth, and everything is more stable. With my son, we're still in that phase where we need to continue supporting him and working on many details." What is clear is that perhaps "we need to support them for a longer period until they become independent."
Managing ADHD symptoms
“At first, we were a little hesitant to give them medication,” confesses Domingo, who now sees that, in their case, it has been beneficial for both of them. “The result, not only from our perspective but also from the perspective of the academic environment, family, and their closest circle, has been positive, and we have noticed a significant difference.” He affirms that the medication helps them to be more composed , calmer, and to concentrate better, and “this allows them to have a closer relationship, since a fast-paced lifestyle can sometimes distort relationships.” Another aspect that the medication helps control is impulsivity, which sometimes causes them problems. Among the negative symptoms, he highlights a lack of appetite at midday and difficulty falling asleep at night.
I believe we should accompany our children for longer until they become independent.
In the conversation with Domingo, there's also room for advocacy: "If my son has trouble with math, I know I have to find a tutor to help him, but if my son has problems with impulsivity, time management, and spatial awareness, it's difficult to find someone who can help him manage these challenges." That's why he's calling for more resources and opportunities to provide people with ADHD with the tools they need to navigate their daily lives.
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