"I don't know who I am without you; you are my reason for living."
My name is Paola, I'm 21 years old, and I'd like to explain how I overcame my emotional dependency . A few years ago, when I was 17, I was trapped in a seemingly unbreakable emotional dependency on my partner. My life revolved around him and his needs, and I always waited for and needed his approval before making any decision , no matter how easy it was. My happiness depended entirely on his presence in my life, and I felt lost without him and his advice. His treatment of me wasn't affectionate; he was almost always angry with me, criticizing the way I dressed or acted, which made me very insecure.
At first, our relationship was wonderful, full of love and connection. But little by little, that connection turned into an obsession on my part. Every time he distanced himself or expressed a desire to spend time alone or with his friends, I would become jealous and sad. I could only think about what he might be doing without me, whether he still loved me, or if there was something I was doing wrong. Anxiety would grip me whenever he wasn't by my side. I needed to call him, to know what he was doing, who he was talking to, who he was laughing with, and so on. For me, he had become the center of my attention, and I distanced myself from my family and friends.
What is emotional dependency disorder?
Seeking help, the first step towards recovery
It was a good friend of mine who made me realize what was happening, and I was able to count on his support, as well as that of other friends and family. At first, it was difficult to admit that I had a problem and that I needed help. I made an appointment at the AIS Pro-Youth center, and that was the first step toward my recovery.
Psychological therapy became my refuge. I learned to understand my way of thinking and to work on improving my self-esteem. Little by little, I began to rebuild my life outside the shadow of my partner. I started to rediscover my passions , make new friends, and reconnect with old interests I had set aside.
My happiness depended entirely on his presence in my life, and I felt lost without him and his advice.
The road to recovery wasn't easy. There were relapses, moments of weakness, and painful goodbyes. But every obstacle made me stronger. I learned to love myself and understand that my happiness depended on no one but myself. I learned to value my own needs and set healthy boundaries in my relationships.
Today, I can say that after a year of treatment (individual and group), I have overcome my emotional dependency. I am studying at university, I have a new partner with whom I have a healthy relationship based on mutual respect and personal and emotional independence. But most importantly, my relationship with myself is stronger and healthier than ever. I feel whole, confident, and capable of facing any challenge life throws my way.
To learn more about emotional dependency:
García, A., de la Villa Moral, M., Cuetos, G. & Sirvent, C. (2017). Dating violence, emotional dependence and self-esteem in Spanish adolescents and young adults . Ibero-American Journal of Psychology and Health, 8(2).
Gil, HL, Alba, LC, Sosa, Y.; Gutiérrez, AE Emotional dependence: a problem of psychology and other humanistic sciences . (2021) Edumecentro, 13(2): 269-286.
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