And you, who are you?

Ever since I was very little, I felt like I didn't fit in. My tastes didn't conform to what was expected of me. I felt out of place.

The summer I had to go to university, I was nervous and confused. How could anyone want to be my friend? I was filled with doubts and fears; I didn't trust myself. I started thinking that if I lost weight, if I had a body that society accepted, then I would fit in.

How wrong I was!

I lost weight, yes. I ended up at a standard weight, but it wasn't enough for me. I lost control of my life. Food was the only thing I could control, and I clung to it. As you lose weight, you fall deeper and deeper into a pit. Emptiness, tears, obsession, insecurity, loneliness, coldness…

Eating disorders as an emotional refuge

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There came a point when I stopped losing weight. That feeling of helplessness made me eat very little and feel extremely hungry. That's how the binge eating and vomiting started. When you do that, you feel worse; you've failed, you're hurting yourself.

I stopped feeling joy, sadness, or excitement; I felt nothing. I was uncomfortable, insecure, frustrated, and guilty for causing suffering to those who love me.

I decided to ask for help and started going to a psychologist. That hour a week was my salvation; I felt free, understood, and heard.

I couldn't stand up; I felt dizzy, and I didn't have the energy to get up from the sofa. My stomach had shrunk so much that a glass of gazpacho made me feel like I was going to burst. I felt cold, cold in the summer. My body began to change; my organs started to fail; my hair fell out; I had dark circles under my eyes; I was pale… And many, many other things.

On a psychological level, I stopped feeling. No joy, no sadness, no excitement; I felt nothing. I was uncomfortable, insecure, frustrated, guilty for making those who love me suffer. I needed to compensate, I had excuses for everything, and I was afraid, above all, very afraid of everything.

Ask for help and face your fears

The time had come to change, to turn things around. I started seeing a psychiatrist. At first, I felt like he didn't understand me, that I was a stranger, that he knew nothing about me. You think that person has no idea. You reject that help.

There comes a point when you realize you can't do it alone and you start to give in. Now you want to recover, to be yourself again. However, you can't. The illness is so deeply ingrained in you that it's impossible to escape, so you have to fight against yourself.

It's time to face your fears, those fears you've been cultivating for a long time, and now it's time to overcome them, to swallow them, it's time to take the step and be brave.

Gradually, you introduce foods, experiencing flavors as if it were the first time. It's a second chance to experience everything again, but this time you have to fight for it and grow along the way.

The people around you often don't understand what you're going through, which is why you feel alone, confused, and always want to give up. It seems easier to be sick than to recover. That's why it's important to focus on the end goal, to concentrate on the things that fulfill you, the things you enjoy.

Little by little you make friends, you start sharing what's happening to you. That helps, externalizing your problems, letting go.

It's a process where you relapse, but you keep going. A process where setbacks shouldn't discourage you, but rather help you gain momentum.

And after an eating disorder, what then?

After recovering and being discharged, I decided to help people going through this illness, giving them a voice and helping society understand what eating disorders really are. That's how "And You, Who Are You?" was born, a book in which I share my personal experience and help others through it, to better understand those who suffer, and to break down taboos.

Following its acceptance, the "Eat Your Fears" project was born, with the goals of "raising awareness, inspiring, and collaborating"—purposes closely aligned with the book. Now, we are comprised of highly skilled professionals who want to expand the reach of the association to everyone.

I share my personal experience and help those going through it to get through it, to understand people who suffer more closely and to eliminate taboos.

Because I believe that life is about moving forward, without stopping, even if we sometimes take steps backward, I returned to my hometown of Zaragoza before the pandemic and saw a gap in the treatment of eating disorders. I decided to embark on the adventure of setting up a clinic specializing in the treatment of these illnesses, with well-trained professionals with extensive experience, since this problem requires experts and cannot be treated by just anyone, as it can become chronic. My goal is to fight against this and minimize the suffering of those affected. That's why Renace TCA y Salud Mental (Reborn Eating Disorders and Mental Health) is an interdisciplinary project for the treatment of these illnesses, with psychiatrists, psychologists, and nutritionists, agreements with hospitals, and weekly supervision sessions to provide each person with the best possible care.

In the end, life is about moving forward, fighting for what you believe in, sticking to it, and even when things get complicated—and yes, they do, very complicated—believing that you can get through it, that you can overcome anything if you put in the effort, determination, and if you rely on the people (however few) around you.