"Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean and i can't swim."
Depression has interfered with every aspect of María José's life. After four years of treatment, hospitalizations, medication, and a lot of effort, she now feels strong enough to resume some of the activities she enjoys most , such as reading or walking: "It might take me a year to read a book, but at least I try to read, or if I can walk two kilometers one day, I already feel good," she tells us, satisfied.
Understanding what it means to live with depression is important to overcome the prejudices surrounding this disorder. She explains it clearly: "Depression takes away your willpower; you can't do anything, you can't cope with life. Anything small feels like a mountain to climb: cooking, showering, making a decision. You feel physically exhausted, and it affects your cognition , your memory: you can't read a book or watch a movie because you don't understand anything, you're unable to follow the plot."
These are the symptoms that have most impacted her daily life, in addition to intrusive thoughts , which at one point led her to attempt suicide and only increase her feelings of guilt. "We're not like this because we want to be; what we need is support, understanding, and patience. That's why phrases like 'cheer up' or 'come on, do your part' hurt, because they minimize how you feel and make you feel guilty . Would you say to someone who has broken their leg, 'go on, run, you can do it'?"
Depression takes away your willpower; you can't cope with life, and even the smallest things feel like a mountain. We're not like this because we want to be, and what we need is support, understanding, and patience.
In her case, her children are a fundamental pillar in her recovery, but also, she advises, "trusting the professionals who treat you and following all the guidelines they give you," based on her own experience. "Now I'm in the Day Hospital and, little by little, I'm improving; I've climbed out of the pit, I'm no longer in hell."
But looking back, she also misses some things that would have helped her during the most difficult times , such as information about support groups, resources to turn to in times of crisis, and the opportunity to connect with others in the same situation so she wouldn't feel alone. She explains this loneliness and lack of understanding very vividly: "I've often felt as if I'd fallen off a boat in the middle of the sea, near the shore, and was drowning, and all my family and friends were on the shore telling me, 'Come on, swim, you just have to swim.' And I, in the middle of the sea, say, 'I don't know how to swim,' and instead of throwing me a life preserver, they just keep saying, 'Swim, swim.' If I don't know how to swim, how am I supposed to do it?"
Mutual support networks, a key part of emotional well-being in the community
María José is 56 years old, a teacher, and the mother of two children. Four years ago, a series of life circumstances, including the death of her mother, family responsibilities, work demands, and ongoing psychological abuse, led to a depressive disorder from which she is now recovering.
Now that she feels she is slowly getting her life back on track, she can explain what it means to live with depression, how it has impacted her daily life, and what has helped her feel better . In her case, family and trusting the guidance of professionals have been crucial in this process, which has been full of misunderstanding, loneliness, and prejudice. "People often think you're like this because you want to be," María José laments. Listening to her story can help us understand better.
