It's very important that you consult a professional if you haven't already, or that you speak with a professional you already know and have spoken to before. Professionals are there to help you, and you can share your distress with them. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your family or friends about this, perhaps you could ask them to accompany you or help you find professional help, without going into too much detail about what's happening or how you feel. This first step might make it easier for you to open up to them and share more about what you're going through.