What can I do if a friend tells me they want to commit suicide?

You can do a lot, but he might not like everything.

You need to know if your friend is receiving treatment, if their parents are aware of their situation and their distress—in short, if there are already many of you forming a support network. If so, all that's left is for you to befriend someone who sees no reason to live. This means you'll have to take more initiative in the relationship; sometimes you might even have to be a little persistent to make them aware of what they're currently unable to see: that they're not alone, that you care about them and are happy to help, that they're not a burden, that you're aware of the efforts they're making, that they shouldn't worry, and that they shouldn't give in to despair. Remember the importance of connection.

If, on the other hand, you're the one who receives the initial news, the situation is more complicated for you, because at that moment your friend might struggle to see, or agree with, the importance of creating and activating that support network, the importance of their parents knowing about their situation, and the importance of more people being involved in their recovery process. A friendship is based on doing what's best for the other person, not on keeping poisoned secrets . Unfortunately, we've had to deal with kids who kept their friend's secret, and that friend ended up dying by suicide. The guilt these kids feel is immense, even though they don't actually feel guilty; it's not easy to face that situation. We can't deal with this reality alone, because we aren't alone either.

We know that they're more likely to talk to their friends first, perhaps those from school, rather than their parents or teachers. Young people need to feel comfortable talking about these issues and be able to tell a friend they're having suicidal thoughts. It's important not to stigmatize them for what they're saying. You should know that your friend's words reflect emotional suffering. It's not a mental illness, nor is it cowardice, nor is it a desire for attention. Encourage them to seek help, and to talk to their family and those they trust most. It's crucial to listen and offer support in seeking help.

There are behaviors that can show us that perhaps something is wrong: they don't answer WhatsApp messages, perhaps they've changed their photo to one that conveys sadness, they don't answer your calls, or when you're with them, they tell you that nothing is worth it, that they wouldn't get up, they don't want to continue studying or working, that they don't sleep well.

Our first instinct is always to tell them to cheer up. We try to offer advice, including the fact that we're all more or less in the same boat, and in an attempt at empathy, we share our own problems so they realize they're not alone. And we often say that you should always try to see the positive side of things. But all of this might only make them feel more burdened by their own discomfort and pain, and perhaps lead them to think it's better not to say anything more to anyone.

No one has taught us how to deal with emotional pain. We all know how to act in the face of physical pain or a wound, but with emotional wounds, we don't know what "band-aid" might work.

Without invalidating, or underestimating, what they've told us, we can support them with basic things they used to enjoy, simply being there for them without overwhelming them with questions or reflections. It's important to listen to what they say without judgment or criticism: their emotional wounds and pain need to be heard.

We shouldn't take responsibility for the other person's distress; we can't guess, we're not professionals or specialists. For this reason, it's very important to encourage them, with complete conviction, to seek professional help, always offering and conveying hope.