What can I do to get my daughter to tell me things and not worry me more?

This fear of worrying their parents is common in teenagers who might be colloquially called more introverted or "sorrowful," either because they worry more about others than themselves, prioritize pleasing others over their own needs, or are very self-demanding and expect themselves to solve their problems alone. Some judge themselves too harshly and believe they "shouldn't be so upset about a situation," negatively judging themselves as exaggerating or weak, and ultimately, because of all this, they find it difficult to ask for help.

They surely need to feel that we understand that sometimes sharing their worries can make them feel bad, guilty, or like they're "playing the victim." We can even thank them for their consideration, but also convey a sense of security and the ability to help and support them. Sometimes parents need to remind and explicitly explain to children like this that our job as parents is precisely to care! It's crucial to neutralize this guilt and reassure them : "I'm here, you're safe, and I can work through this with you whenever you're ready."

When the opportunity arises, it's good to reflect with them on this difficulty in respecting themselves. Asking for help allows them to not always have to solve things alone; it's a healthy coping skill that helps reduce this pressure and focus on the need for self-care.

As parents, we can experience many feelings when faced with these difficulties: fear, frustration, guilt, helplessness, even anger at feeling that they don't trust us! We need to be able to manage all these emotions, but how?

1. It's important that we respect their privacy , but remain calm and available when they do take the initiative to share. When this happens, the world stops because we have a great opportunity: to show them that we are a safe, calm, and respectful space, and, let's always remember, a place where we are curious to understand and empathize with them. If this happens when they decide to share, we will have set an example that can encourage them to continue sharing with us.
2. As parents worried that our child might be suffering, we must manage our own anxiety and avoid pressuring or insisting. For example, avoid asking questions repeatedly; pointing out that they look unwell; reiterating your concern, etc. Ultimately, we risk conveying that we are unable to control our own distress, thus reinforcing their fear. We must understand and trust that they will gradually learn to manage their emotions.
3. It's also important to establish some boundaries with them . While respecting their limits and privacy, we must protect and maintain a minimum level of safety. This means making it clear and establishing with them (in a calm conversation, not during moments of crisis or distress) that if we observe alarming behaviors or signs of difficulty coping with distress in a healthy and appropriate way, our duty as parents is to seek help or increase our supervision as protective measures, not as a form of control or punishment.

Initially, it's not easy; they don't always feel like talking to us, but if we show availability and interest, it becomes easier (Mother of a teenager).

Show them you're there for them, but respect their timing and don't pressure them. In the end, they'll only explain if they choose to (Teenage daughter).