- What should we keep in mind about connecting with our teenage sons and daughters?
- What is the key to a smooth and healthy relationship with teenage children?
- Could you give us some key tips for talking to our teenage son?
- What can I do to get my daughter to tell me things and not worry me more?
- Is it right to want to know absolutely everything about our children's lives?
- How should we have a conversation with our children without it seeming like an interrogation, or without them seeing it as such?
- My daughter explains her problems more to her friends than to me, her mother. What should I do?
- How can we connect with them when they respond with a dismissive tone and refuse to talk?
- How do we approach a conversation with them when we know they are lying to us?
- How should we act if we don't like our children's friends or their partners?
- How can we make them understand that rules and limits are necessary to maintain order, and that we do this not to annoy them but because we love them?
- How can I create trusting environments with my daughter?
- How can we set limits in adolescence if we haven't been able to do so before?
- How can we manage conflicts that arise when boundaries are crossed?
- My son questions everything I say, as if nothing I say is valid. What can we do?
- Sometimes I feel like my son hears me, but he doesn't listen. How can I connect with him so he'll pay attention to us?
- Is it normal for my daughter to stop talking to me and say she doesn't love me?
How can we connect with them when they respond with a dismissive tone and refuse to talk?
The most important thing is to stay calm . It's natural to feel bad, hurt, and lose the ability to reflect in these situations. Let's breathe, connect with ourselves first, respect how we feel, and if necessary, step away from the situation to connect with what we're feeling and avoid acting if we're still very angry or upset. We can say to ourselves, "Look, I'd prefer to give myself some time, and when I feel I can continue this conversation, I'll let you know."
Giving ourselves a positive break to regain our composure is the best way to preserve the connection with our teenage son or daughter. If we act in our alert and attack mode, we'll be two minds unable to reflect, and we risk escalating the situation, making us feel worse and causing us to disconnect. Even worse, we are the adults and must set an example . Learning is primarily through imitation; they will learn far more from what they see us do than from anything we tell them to do. Therefore, we can seize this opportunity to model effective conflict management.
If we are calm, we will be able to validate and recognize that behind this behavior there is a discomfort, which we may or may not have activated ourselves.
This is when we can restart the conversation: "I notice you're angry, I see you're hurt... and I don't know if it was something I said or did, my intention wasn't to make you feel bad and I apologize if that's the case," "I really feel bad if you feel bad and you know you can count on me whenever you want to talk about it," etc.
I think it's helpful to tell them what we need clearly and concisely, without irrelevant justifications, trying to express our feelings assertively (Mother of a teenager).
If at that moment they are not receptive or do not feel like talking, then don't do it and look for another time (Teenage daughter).