Unwanted loneliness, what are we talking about?

Unwanted loneliness is a subjective and unwanted feeling of lack or loss of companionship. It occurs when there is a mismatch or imbalance between the quantity and quality of the social relationships we have and those we desire . Therefore, unwanted loneliness is understood from a more psychological and cognitive perspective as a subjective feeling of discrepancy between the social relationships a person has and those they would like to have. Loneliness is not the direct result of the absence of relationships, but rather the consequence of feelings of dissatisfaction with existing social relationships or the lack thereof (Gierveld et al., 2009). This imbalance between desired and actual social relationships creates an unpleasant situation that causes suffering for the person experiencing it and, as such, can have detrimental effects on their health, to the point of affecting their physical, social, and psychological well-being (Cacioppo et al., 2015).

Since it is a subjective feeling, it is also known as emotional loneliness , and it is likely to be different for each individual, understanding that they have deficiencies in their social relationships.

Unwanted loneliness differs from social isolation , which is a substantial lack of social contact and can be objectively measured. Some people may live alone and not experience unwanted loneliness, as they may prefer solitude and choose it as their life path. Conversely, some people may live in community, such as some elderly residents in care homes, but still suffer from unwanted loneliness. Therefore, it is a subjective, unwanted feeling, independent of companionship. Thus, the perception of unwanted loneliness depends on the subjective and intrinsic quality of each individual's relationships (Perlman & Peplau, 1981).

Prevalence of unwanted loneliness in older people

Unwanted loneliness is an increasingly common problem. Many authors speak of the silent epidemic of unwanted loneliness in the 21st century.

Many factors contribute to the increasing prevalence of unwanted loneliness:

• The progressive aging of the population due to the increase in life expectancy, increasing super-aging: more people over 80 years old.
• The loss of loved ones.
• The decline in the birth rate , with fewer children, and therefore a decrease in the number of people who can take care of their parents if they are alone.
• The increase in the number of single-person households , due to changes in family models.
• Geographical dispersion , which increasingly distances families.

Furthermore, the feminization of longevity must be considered; there are more widows than widowers, so unwanted loneliness is more common among women. Numerous international and national prevalence studies have been conducted to examine the problem of unwanted loneliness.

In Andalusia, a research study was conducted coordinated by Juan Manuel García González, professor at the Pablo de Olavide University of Seville, with interviews of 2,000 people aged 55 and over, which revealed that unwanted loneliness is present across all ages, and that the prevalence is 47% (40% moderate loneliness, and 7% severe loneliness).

Feelings of loneliness increase with age, particularly among those over 80. While social loneliness refers to the objective lack of company, many people who live with others still feel lonely. This affects more women than men, due to their longer life expectancy. Consequently, a strategic line of action was implemented within the First Comprehensive Strategic Plan for Older Adults in Andalusia to address unwanted loneliness.

In 2016, a health survey conducted in Barcelona showed that 25% of people over 65 had experienced loneliness for more than a year, and that 15.1% were at risk of social exclusion . Other studies carried out in Catalonia reveal rates of unwanted loneliness among older adults as high as 30%.

In Aragon , the prevalence was 19.6%. In Madrid , according to data from the Municipal Register as of January 1, 2019, 23.58% of the population are over 65 years old. Of these, 60.89% are women and 24.60% live alone.

The Health, Ageing and Retirement Survey in Europe, conducted as part of the SHARE project , gathers information on health and well-being, economic status, and integration into family and social networks in 27 European countries. The survey includes the question "Do you feel lonely?" Of the 65,151 respondents, 19.2% reported feeling lonely sometimes, and 6.5% indicated they often feel lonely. The survey also includes questions related to feelings of loneliness, such as "Do you feel a lack of companionship?" 24.8% responded that they sometimes feel lonely, and 8.1% indicated they often feel lonely. To the question "Do you feel excluded?", 18.4% responded that they sometimes feel excluded, and 4.9% that they often feel excluded.

In addition, the question "Do you feel isolated from others?" was included, to which 14% responded that they do sometimes, and 4.1% indicated that they often feel isolated.

This article was originally published in the Guide for Supporting Older Adults Experiencing Unwanted Loneliness. San Juan de Dios Solidarity.