Why does being a woman with autism make you more vulnerable?
Aina is twenty years old and has been receiving specialized intervention for eight years at a center for people with autism. There, she has been taught to greet people while making eye contact and strategies to avoid freezing up when making decisions or speaking in public. She has also learned how to navigate the bus, order and pay in a restaurant, and apply makeup. It all sounds very basic, and one might imagine someone who needs a lot of support; in part, that's true. But on the other hand, Aina is a university student, has made some good friends and kept them for years, and, depending on her interests and phases, has shown herself to be extraordinary in many things. She has always been sweet, academically gifted, a talented artist, and an avid reader. When you see her, her almost inaudible voice is striking, her speech barely above a whisper (although she has been given guidance on adjusting her tone of voice), and her tiny gestures. She is very thin, has always struggled with eating, distinguishes between different textures, and prefers eating at home to the most luxurious restaurant in the world.
During her primary and secondary school years, she had relative luck; there were periods of exclusion when she tried to go unnoticed, but she soon befriended two like-minded people, a boy and a girl, who accompanied her until university, offering her a relative respite from silence and calm. Otherwise, her loneliness and difficulty fitting in would have been more palpable. With this protective environment, nothing suggested that the support network surrounding her had any cracks, but Aina was a girl of few words, not very expressive, obedient, and extremely eager to please. In her immediate circle, a cousin two years older sought her out to play. Aina was initially reluctant, but her family, aware of how extraordinary it was that a peer would seek her out and want to include her in his games, encouraged her to socialize.
What can you do and say when your daughter tells you she has been abused? How can I deal with the remorse of not having noticed anything?
Six years have passed, but a trigger —a news report on television and a confluence of timing and predispositions to reveal—leads Aina to say, "Me too." Her mother reacts to the news as best she can, experiencing guilt, denial, acceptance, and a sense of awkwardness, all in a matter of seconds. She wants her daughter to tell her everything that happened and doesn't want her to suffer unnecessarily in the process. She knows she will have to make decisions regarding the extended family, her sister, and her own daughter to protect her, but she knows these decisions are not easy; they involve heartbreak, grief, courage, and denial. It's not as simple as good and truth prevailing, but she does know that her daughter needs her support.
What can you do and say when your daughter tells you she has been abused? How could I have realized sooner that they didn't want to play but to use her? How can I deal with the remorse of not having noticed anything?
Sometimes, it's hard to see all the good that has been done. Aina's mother welcomed her daughter, saying she was very brave to talk about it, and validated her story with, "I'm so sorry you went through this, and I'm grateful you can talk about it. I'm going to help you." She sought professional support to address it and made difficult decisions, together with her daughter, to protect her and not force any situation against her wishes . Even so, there remained the feeling of not having seen it in time to stop it, avoid it, or prevent it. That's the time frame that girls now diagnosed early with autism have, a time frame that previous generations didn't have.
How to promote the affective and sexual development of adolescents with ASD
Regarding our capacity to observe: Sometimes, the topics we don't talk about, which we keep as a protective taboo, turn on us and tell us they can't be seen because we hide them. But this is a social issue, a pact based on our levels of tolerance and our need to maintain a balance with the pact of reality. It's healthy to do so. We can't live in fear, but not living in fear also has its flaws , because by not reflecting on a reality, it goes unobserved, listening is deactivated, and subtle warning signs become undetectable. Do we have a Schrödinger's cat, or not?
Preventing abuse of girls with autism
This is a true story that highlights what some authors have pointed out: that women with autism are more vulnerable to sexual abuse , but that early intervention can help protect them (Mademtzi et al., 2018; Rynkiewicz et al., 2019; Sedgewick et al., 2019). This does not mean that boys with autism are not also more vulnerable than the general population, but it does imply that, as in other sectors, if you are a girl, the chances are higher. Other authors raise the fundamental need to specifically address aspects such as levels of intimacy, good and bad secrets, saying no, asking for help, distinguishing one's own situation from abuse, consent understood as a genuine desire to consent, and suicide prevention (Stewart et al., 2022; Wijngaarden-Cremers, 2019).
Women with autism, the great forgotten ones
If we consider the vulnerable situation of women with autism who have greater support needs , particularly nonverbal women, their fragility and the challenge of prevention increase. Furthermore, if we recognize that the virtual environment has been added to the existing school playground, family, and social environments, we will be aware that the likelihood of victimization has increased. In this sense, the increased use of the internet and its networks is itself a factor that multiplies vulnerability. (Triantafyllopoulos et al., 2022).
Women with autism are more vulnerable to sexual abuse, but early intervention can help protect them.
What can we do for our girls? How can we improve prevention? What warning signs should families look out for?
We can create spaces and moments for conversation , using materials such as the story Kiko and the Hand or videos like those from Pixar, and take advantage of any everyday situation to talk from the perspective of prevention ; facilitate as much autonomy in hygiene as possible; take an interest in anti-bullying or sexual prevention protocols in educational centers and institutions.
Observing behavioral changes in eating, sleeping, interests, type of play (violent, early sexualized), drawings, expressions of rejection of places or people they previously accepted, regressive behaviors such as bedwetting or soiling, or wanting dolls or pacifiers they had long since abandoned, can be changes that alert us that something is happening, and, from there, take a prudent view, respect the behaviors, accompany with emotions and, if we find ourselves confused, consult with a professional.
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