Share so we don't feel alone

Elena, María Dolores, Juana and Amor met in the “ Acompanying Loneliness ” support group , which was launched more than ten years ago by Jordi Ramon , a specialist mental health nurse at the Sant Joan de Déu Health Park. The four of them agree quite a bit when it comes to describing how they felt before finding this group, with phrases like: “I was in a very deep well”; “When I was at home, I just wanted to cry”; “I didn’t want to do anything”; or “It’s very hard not to be able to share what you feel and what’s happening to you”. And if we ask the rest of the people who make up the group, the word sadness is the one that comes up the most when they remember what loneliness has been like for them.

Unwanted loneliness affects the mental health of people who have this feeling, which makes them suffer so much and can cause depression, anxiety and insomnia, and can even be a cause of suicide risk. Although unwanted loneliness can affect people of any age and more and more young people say they feel lonely, it is true that this feeling can increase during old age due to the loss of friendships or a partner.

Unwanted loneliness, what are we talking about?

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This is the case of Love , for whom the death of her husband and the illness of her daughter were a very hard blow that she had a hard time overcoming: "I sank into a very deep well that I don't wish on anyone and from which I couldn't get out. And you go to bed and you can't sleep, and you can only cry”. And also that of Juana , who is a widow and lives alone in her house, not understanding “how so many people live in these tall buildings and that no one goes to the neighbor's house to chat for a while”. Her words remind us of the memory she has of the idea of ​​community, in which people take care of each other, and she laments that “now everything is different, everyone goes their own way”. Both are veterans of the Loneliness Support Group, and both affirm that for them there is a before and an after of being in this group , which has also helped them to link up with the community to do activities, have conversations on the phone and stay outside the hours of the group session to go out and enjoy the city in company.

It's not the same to go to the mountains or the beach for a while because you want to be alone, as to feel alone, a terrifying sensation that I don't wish on anyone.

"You can be accompanied, have family and still feel very alone," reminds us Maria Dolores , for whom life has been too complicated. She knows this feeling very well and explains it clearly: " Unwanted loneliness, at a certain moment, can lead you to depression , because it is not the same to say "today I feel like being alone", and you go to the mountains, but when you come back, you know that you will stop being alone, as it is to feel alone every day". That is why it is important for her to be able to share these moments with the group: "It is an ideal place, where you can chat about any topic with people who are like you, because we also like to share things". She has already left behind the time when "I was locked up at home, I had the TV on for company and I was always complaining about how miserable I was". So much so that she considers that the group has changed her life by 99%.

Combat loneliness by getting out into the community

Jordi Ramon explains what made him decide to create this group: "A lot of people came to the visits with diagnoses of anxiety, depression and, when you explored a little, you saw that what they actually had was a problem of loneliness". And one of the difficulties he encountered is that "when these people have been with this feeling of loneliness for a long time, it is very difficult to make them understand during a visit the need to go out into the community, to interact". For him, this is the way to take care of people , listening to them, attending to their emotional needs, integrating them into the community, facilitating these relationships. And with eyes full of pride and emotion he assures us that many of these people, "not only stop taking a lot of the medication they were taking and feel better, but now they are the ones who detect other neighbors who feel lonely and bring them to the group".

Many people who used to feel alone and didn't even know it are now the ones who detect neighbors who may be in this situation and bring them to the group.

One of the people Jordi encouraged to participate in this group is Elena . She has only joined two days ago, but she is happy to have made this decision: "I feel good here, people understand me and don't judge me. In addition, my mind is distracted and, while I am here, I don't think about anything else" . Elena explains that, "despite having my mother and sister, I felt very alone, because I felt very misunderstood ". And one day she "snapped", with severe anxiety to which depression was added. "I didn't want to leave the house, I didn't shower, I didn't care if I had my hair done or not, or if I died...". And so she gradually isolated herself and lost the friends she had along the way, with "an immense fear of losing my sister too, because then I would be completely alone and I don't know if I would have the heart to do anything". And he asks: "I hope I can continue coming."