The ingredients to foster your resilience

Skills that can help you overcome difficult times

Henka Team

Do you remember a difficult, uncomfortable, or stressful situation you've experienced? How did you cope with it at the time? Having difficulties with school, experiencing your parents' separation, having a falling out with a friend, or losing a family member are all challenging experiences that can cause significant emotional distress. The ability to cope with difficult or stressful moments in daily life is what we call resilience . It's also the capacity to adapt to challenging situations and persevere in the face of adversity, or the ability to recover after a very painful event.

For a person to be resilient, they need to develop a series of skills or abilities that will allow them to better tolerate emotional distress and take care of their mental health . In this way, they will be able to face life's challenges in a healthier way in the future. Do you know how you can become more resilient? Just like muscles in the gym, these skills can be trained.

Skills you can train to foster your resilience

Identify and regulate your emotions .

Imagine you're in a game or a sports competition. Your team is losing, and as the game progresses, you get increasingly frustrated because your team is being fouled, there's dirty play, and you hold it in until you finally explode and snap at the person in front of you. You get ejected from the game, and later you regret it. Have you ever been in a similar situation? How do you think you could have changed the outcome?

Often our thoughts are impulsive and don't reflect reality. All emotions are valid and you need to be able to express them, but we also need to learn to express and manage them in a healthy way. If we are aware of our thoughts and work to make them more constructive, we can improve our well-being.

Managing our thoughts, emotions, and behavior allows us to be less stressed, better control our impulses, and stay motivated. Breathing exercises after a stressful moment, getting enough sleep, and eating healthily can help regulate your emotions. Once you've put these practices into practice and calmed down, you can revisit what made you nervous and give it another try. Your approach to the problem or situation will likely change.

I'm not feeling well. What can I do?

Relating to others in a healthy way .

You received a WhatsApp message from a friend saying they can't go out partying with you, as you had planned, and because you were upset that they left you hanging at the last minute, you replied angrily. Have you considered whether something happened that prevented them from coming? Can you think of any other way you could have responded? Do you usually try to put yourself in other people's shoes? Human beings are social by nature and need to connect with others. We need to interact frequently with other people, and we also want stable and lasting relationships. Who doesn't like feeling like they belong to a group? Feeling understood in relationships and having healthy relationships generates emotional well-being.

Having healthy and supportive relationships with friends and colleagues involves collaborating with others for the common good, being able to resolve conflicts without fighting, and offering, asking for, or receiving help when needed. To establish and maintain good relationships and friendships, and to improve our interpersonal skills, we need to consider three basic ingredients: integrity, caring, and empathy. Integrity means that the relationship is characterized by honesty and trustworthiness, and that the person is reliable, loyal, and trustworthy. Caring is defined by empathy, non-judgment, good listening skills, understanding, and setting boundaries. Empathy, for example, helps us understand what the other person is feeling and allows us to act in ways that help others. Characteristics of empathy include self-confidence and a sense of humor.

The ability to connect with the present moment .

After a stressful day at school, you're on public transport, on your way home, and you put on a meditation podcast to help you relax. Practicing meditation or mindfulness helps us focus all our attention on the present moment, instead of letting our minds wander to thoughts of the past or future. This can help you connect with your emotions and your body without judgment, and reduce stress and impulsiveness when acting or making decisions.

The feeling that you are capable of successfully achieving what you set out to do .

You're starting the school year at a new school and you have to introduce yourself in front of the whole class. Public speaking terrifies you because you don't know anyone and you don't know what they might think of you. Self-esteem is how you value, see, or judge yourself, positively or negatively, based on your thoughts, feelings, and past experiences. Self-efficacy is the feeling of being capable of doing whatever it takes to achieve the results you want. Believing you can achieve what you want is one of the most important ingredients, perhaps the most important, in the recipe for success. We're not just talking about academic success, but success in life in general—setting goals, feeling you can achieve them, and taking action to reach them.

In other words, self-efficacy means believing you have the necessary skills to succeed at a given task. If you have a high level of self-efficacy, for example, you'll approach exercises and class assignments as challenges and strive to achieve your goal, which often demonstrates great ambition. Conversely, when you don't feel capable, you'll create your own limitations that prevent you from even trying, because you'll believe you won't be able to succeed.

Attitudes that help to be resilient

Communicating feelings and needs effectively and listening attentively to others .

You and your sibling need to work on a chore together at home, and you want to encourage them to get more involved without losing your temper. Learning to express our thoughts and needs clearly, directly, and respectfully, and listening attentively to others, helps improve our communication. You can practice this by saying what you think and feel without belittling or hurting others, communicating with an open, honest, and direct mind, avoiding direct attacks, being mindful of your words and tone, respecting others, and also being able to set your own boundaries. This skill will help you when you want to communicate with others in the way you want them to communicate with you. It's also useful when you're arguing with someone without losing your temper, or when you want to listen to someone else and be kind.