Attitudes that help to be resilient

Resilience (from the Latin resilire , meaning "to return") is the ability to recover from frustrations and setbacks. Resilient people adapt to change, stress, or problems and are able to face challenges with perspective. The result of this ability to recover is a feeling of success and confidence.

My encounter with this beautiful and powerful idea (closely linked to self-esteem, as we will see later) came through a book entitled "The Spell of the World" written by the French neuropsychiatrist and ethologist Boris Cyrulnik , one of the most prominent authors on this subject.

Suffering is a reality that we have all experienced at some point, and it seems to be ever-present in life. It is the first of the Four Noble Truths taught by the Buddha: suffering, its cause, the cessation of suffering, and the path that leads to it.

Javier Revilla Rubio

Social worker

Cáritas Diocesana de Barcelona

A year of resilience

Ver testimonio

The fact is that we have all been hurt at some point; what changes is how we react to being hurt. Some are devastated, while others simply carry on with their lives. What do we do when something happens to us that tears us apart and completely devastates us? Do we spend our lives crying and moaning? Do we make demands, seek revenge? Do we make a career out of being victims?

Or, on the contrary, are we going to try to rebuild ourselves? Why do some people rebuild themselves in situations of failure? Why do some people in privileged situations spend their entire lives suffering? These are some of the questions that arise and lead us to seek an explanation. And we find it in the resilience of the individual.

"After my house burned down, I could see the moon, clearer and cleaner," Zen philosophy.

According to Cyrulnik, there are three forces that allow us to resist and rebuild ourselves, three factors of resilience:

1. The acquisition of internal resources (in memory and emotional learning). During the first months of life, in the first years, if I was loved, the fact that my mother loved me gives me confidence. When I experience a setback, I suffer, but I maintain hope of rebuilding myself. It's not that I think it means nothing. The blow makes me suffer, but I maintain hope... I will look around me for the people who will help me rebuild myself.
2. The significance given to the event. Some are not traumatized by an event because it means nothing to them. It's an accident of life, nothing serious, so they move on. But other people will be hurt by the same event because it means too much to them and it wounds them deeply.
3. The availability of external resources for the injured person. Sensible emotional support. I—as an injured child—have no chance of resuming my adult life if there isn't someone around me who loves me... a family, a partner, friends, etc. And I have no chance of resuming my life if I don't find meaning in senseless violence.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option," Bob Marley

At this point, we will see the importance of the relationship between resilience and our self-esteem. If we have strong, well-balanced self-esteem, we will be better able to overcome difficulties. Resilience will then emerge with greater capacity for overcoming challenges, and conversely, if we have resilient attitudes, our self-esteem will certainly be strengthened, and our perception of ourselves as individuals will improve.

So how can we be resilient?

By cultivating these attitudes and nurturing them, we can achieve it:

• Let's not be afraid of change; we think it's necessary.
• Understanding that the crises, which we will surely have, are not insurmountable.
• Be decisive, make decisions without fear; failure due to our actions should not stop us.
• Remembering past experiences that have helped us overcome difficulties.

We, our decisions, and our optimism when facing them will be key to continuing to grow and ensuring that obstacles do not stop us.