"Trying to fit into standards that don't take diversity into account is very cruel."

It's true that it started out as something autobiographical, but it reached a point where it diverged quite a bit from me. First, for my mental health, because although I think it's important to speak in the first person about topics that aren't usually discussed, such as eating disorders, there's a lot of exposure. But also, from a dramaturgical standpoint, it was important to make this separation so that Paula could make the leaps she needed to make in the play. For example, Paula's parents aren't my parents, but I do share with Paula the fact of not having had a family system that supported and showed that emotions are natural, that they're okay, and that we must learn to manage them.

What I have in common with Paula is arriving in a world I don't understand at all, like any other child, and realizing that what I feel doesn't fit in. And because it doesn't fit in, it puts me in danger. And if it puts me in danger, I need to be protected. And if I don't receive the protection I need from adults, because at that moment they can't give it, or because they don't know I need it, I find it myself, like any child. In Paula's case, she hides in boxes, and I would hide in a closet, literally, and create my own world, imagining a different one. And it was beautiful, and at that time it was adaptive, but when you become an adult, that's no longer adaptive, because you're in a different place. And that's where the problem arises. Rebellions begin against all those limits you were initially told you had to follow, but an inner drive tells you , "There must be another way to do this." And then, you swing to the opposite side of the pendulum, and from absolute restriction, you move on to trying to free yourself.

Paula's journey is a vital voyage in which we see how a person develops and reaches a point in their life where they have to decide whether to continue down the path, knowing they will either survive or die, or try to do something different. It's the moment you realize that simply surviving isn't enough , and that there's another way. In Paula's case, it's pushing her eating disorder to the limit and seeing that there's nothing left for her, and that's when she gives herself permission to ask for help. It's an intense work because it's life, with all its ups and downs. There are moments when we laugh, moments when we cry, moments that are like a hug…

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Every process is different, and the factors are very diverse, but in Paula's case and mine, there's a clear need to break boundaries and escape, a headlong flight, and a need to fill a very large void. The feeling of not being protected, of being over-controlled, the feeling of not being enough, the feeling of not receiving the love you need… and many others. In this case, the pressure to binge isn't so much at the moment of the binge itself, but afterward, when the guilt sets in, because eating so much makes you gain weight . Not because it wrecks your digestive system, or because there's a completely unhealthy, untrue, and maladaptive sense of inadequacy, or because you're trying to hide everything you feel, but because it will make you not fit into this society and not be valued.

In my case, as far as I'm aware—because there were surely more—I used food for two purposes: as a form of rebellion, as a feeling of freedom, of "that's it!"; and to fill myself with something I felt was missing, which in this case would be the moments of emotional hunger and compulsive eating—which didn't quite reach the level of binge eating—because at that moment there was something I wasn't managing, usually an emotion. It's true that then there's a step to the other side of the pendulum, which is restrictions, which are meant to tell you, "I can control this, and if I can control this, I can control everything." And, furthermore, "I'm going to become the way I'm supposed to be, the way I've been told I should be."

I used food as a form of rebellion, as a way to feel free, and to fill myself with something I felt I was lacking, which in this case would be emotional hunger.

This play is what I needed someone to tell me during the most difficult time of my life, when I thought I was broken. I needed someone to tell me that I am more than any disorder , any mistake, anything I think is wrong with me, that I am so much more than that. Paula is so much more than an eating disorder; she is a woman capable of surviving hardships, of moving forward, capable of continuing to dream and create, capable of continuing to imagine. My only intention with this play is that, if you come to see it, you understand that you are so much more than what you are hiding out of shame , out of pain, even though it taints everything, you are so much more. And you deserve to live life to the fullest.

It was a beautiful process, and a difficult one at times. I was incredibly lucky to have Alejandra Jiménez Cascón directing and writing the play; Anna Suñer producing and managing it; Gala Marjalizo; Carol Muñoz; Diana Hermoso; and Ángela Palacios. They all created a network, and in the most difficult moments, when the dramaturgy collapsed because I wasn't being honest, because I was glossing over the disorder, because I wasn't respecting and honoring my own process and that of many others, they were there for me and believed in the process when I didn't. They encouraged me to be the one to play this role, not another actress.

You are so much more than what you are hiding out of shame or pain, even if it taints everything, and you deserve to live life to the fullest.

There is no representation of diverse body types. It simply doesn't exist, and a clear example of this is the use of fat suits , the costumes actors wear to play the role of a fat person. In other words, they need to dress a thin person to play a fat role, when there are wonderful actors and actresses with larger bodies— fat people, which is a word that fills our mouths, that is beautiful, and that we need to embrace . Thinking about this helped me get on stage and show certain parts of myself where I'm semi-nude, in a bikini, or in underwear… And I enjoy it on stage, and that's magic, because there are people who, when you're on stage, say things like, "The moment you're in the sea is so beautiful." Well, isn't it wonderful to realize that beauty is so much more than what fits into a box?

There's a moment in the play when one of the characters, Pepica, a great matron and a kind of conscience, literally says: "Paula, you can't fit into all those boxes they've told you you have to fit into. You're so much more than a box; you're unique, we're all unique ." And we don't celebrate this, and it's a huge problem in society. Trying to fit into standards that don't consider diversity is very cruel and very unfair, for both men and women.

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I believe these prejudices exist because there's a system that expects us all to be perfect by following a list of things. Given the inherent diversity in nature and among human beings, we're never going to be able to fulfill a list created in an ideal way. I'm not talking about a positive way, but rather one that stems from preconceived notions, not even from an analysis of reality. Starting with this, we all want to achieve that ideal because we've been told that if we achieve it, we're worthy, and if we're worthy, we're worthy of being loved. We all want to be loved . I want to be loved. And so it's normal that anything that smacks of "I don't fit in" gets hidden and feels like it's something wrong.

Theater is magical. When you sit in a seat, especially in such an intimate space, if the person on stage dares to truly live that life, it allows you to rehearse your own and fill it. And these boxes from Viatge de Paula , this empty space, and this body allow people to fill all the voids, to fill them with their own experience. Therefore, they experience this journey with me and learn this to the best of their ability.

What's clear is that this is a play for everyone, because we've all felt inadequate at some point, and we've all resorted to something that, at a certain point in our lives, was completely maladaptive. Talking about eating disorders helps people understand that it's not trivial ; it's not about saying, "Oh, they just lack willpower and binge," it's about saying, "No, this is serious, and it's as serious as this part of your life that you're actually focusing on." On stage, with Paula, we have humanity.

We have all felt inadequate at some point, and have resorted to something that at a certain moment in life was completely maladaptive.

To little Sara, I would say that everything will be alright, and to trust herself and her feelings. And to the Sara who, as an adult, dared to say, "I'm leaving everything behind, I need to be an actress and to tell stories and share them," I would say thank you, because, despite all the fear, she did it, and thanks to her, this story has been told. And to all the people who right now feel they aren't enough, or feel that something isn't working right, or that something is broken inside them, I would say that they are worth all the pain and all the joy in the world, that they deserve to be loved, respected, and heard just as they are.

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