Strategies for coping with common situations in eating disorders
What strategies do you use to manage an anxiety or stress crisis?
What strategies do you use to manage an anxiety or stress crisis?
Over time, I discovered that crying is one of the best ways for me to manage and regulate my emotions. Sometimes I don't allow myself to do it for whatever reason, but the act of releasing my emotions through crying is incredibly liberating. Talking to my therapist or my friends also brings me a lot of peace.
On a practical level, it also helps me to make lists of the things I still have to do, or to take a calendar and organize absolutely everything so I don't feel like I depend on my memory.
It helps me to go for walks on the beach listening to music and trying not to pay attention to social media, to discover new music and, above all, to create; art liberates me a lot: writing, singing, composing, painting, making collages, etc.
Through practice and error, I have finally found the things that work for me.
As far as food is concerned, not skipping any of the four essential meals helped me return to some semblance of normalcy. The binge eating stopped, I was able to reduce my medication, and my anxiety levels decreased.
On a more mental level, it helped me a lot to write down the thoughts that went through my head when I felt most anxious. Listening to myself, and even being able to share them afterward with my therapist, friends, or family, was a way to free myself and realize that I wasn't alone in this. Getting to the root of the problems helped me understand why many things happened to me, and I learned to manage them in a less painful way.
Intrusive thoughts are very common in eating disorders. Is there any way to reduce their intensity?
Intrusive thoughts are very common in eating disorders. Is there any way to reduce their intensity?
Intrusive thoughts are quite complex, and honestly, I still sometimes struggle to identify them. I suppose it's a matter of self-analyzing what you think and why you think it. There's always an underlying issue and a "root problem" that, out of habit, I try to solve by going back to what my body already knows: the eating disorder. Self-analyzing thoughts has its positive and negative aspects, but in this case, it helps me a lot.
Yes, and this is coming from someone who was constantly disturbed by what I called "the voice." Today, it hasn't disappeared completely, but I've managed to reduce its volume and pay less attention to it. How? As strange as it may seem, you can talk to that voice, as if it were another person, and say: "No! Today I'm not going to listen to you. Today I'll do things the other way you always tell me. You tell me not to have a snack? Well, I'm going to have it! You tell me not to go to that dinner? Well, I'm going! You tell me I have to go to the gym? Well, I'm not going today." Doing this helps you free yourself from it and lose your fear of it. You'll realize that "the voice" wasn't right and that nothing it says will happen.
My doctor always gave me an example that helped me a lot in moments like these. She would tell me: "If you're afraid of taking the elevator and always take the stairs, the fear won't go away and your anxiety will only increase. So make up your mind, take the elevator, even if the first time it's just to go to the first floor. It won't be easy and you won't enjoy it, but if you're going to have a bad time anyway, at least it will help you move forward."
Good emotional management is key to prevention and recovery. Do you have any recommendations for better emotional management?
Good emotional management is key to prevention and recovery. Do you have any recommendations for better emotional management?
I believe emotional management is individual. It's about trying many different approaches at key moments until you find what works best for you. For me, writing, crying, or saying out loud how I feel helps. Finding metaphors to explain it to others also helps me a lot and allows me to see things from an outside perspective.
There are times when I am unable to react in a "positive" way and I simply try to distract myself and, when I feel physically better, I return to the emotion I have avoided in order to analyze it.
The concept of the desert island helps me a lot. It involves constantly asking myself, "If you were on a desert island, how would you do/feel/react to this?" It helps me see if it's me acting this way, or if it's my intrusive thoughts, my traumas, my fears, or the inner voice of my eating disorder.
Listen to yourself and be who you truly are. Know that life is meant to be enjoyed and put problems into perspective. During one of my worst moments, my neighbor across the street, only 24 years old, died of cancer in just a few months. That made me reflect on my disorder. He, who wanted to live, can no longer. Am I going to let my life slip away and suffer because of my fears?
We need to return to our true essence and get rid of the burdens we have accumulated throughout our lives.
What do you do to avoid feelings of guilt after meals?
What do you do to avoid feelings of guilt after meals?
Feelings of guilt lessen over time until they disappear. However, during periods of high stress, the guilt returns. My key is to ignore them and distract myself with anything that takes my mind off them. It lasts for a while and then it goes away. And when it goes away, that's when I analyze from a distance what's happening in my life to make me feel this way, because there's always a reason.
That process has taken me more than five years and it's still not perfected, but for now it works. I don't think that in my case they're going to disappear forever as if they never existed. It's like an ex-partner you don't want to get back together with; you can't avoid running into them on the street, but you can avoid getting back together with them. You pass them, you say hello, you think about them, and you go back to your normal life.
I think about how awful it was when I listened to my disorder and demanded so much of myself. I ask myself: What good did it do me? Do I want to go back to that? The answer is clear: No!
Your inner voice will tell you that you won't be perfect, that no one will love you, that you'll be awful. It's not true; I've seen it firsthand. Think about it: even if that were true, would you still choose to suffer? Don't you really want to try being a little happier?
Are there any activities or strategies that have helped you feel better in your day-to-day life?
Are there any activities or strategies that have helped you feel better in your day-to-day life?
Identifying the things that trigger my eating disorder and make me want to relapse has been crucial. Stress, family gatherings, going out, attending events where no one knows me, traveling... these are all things that overwhelm me and are difficult to manage. Anticipating these situations is key for me. And, in weeks when I know I'm going to be like this, I plan a complete weekly menu, go grocery shopping, and stick to it religiously, even if I don't feel like eating that particular meal that day.
It has also helped me not to be ashamed to say out loud that I had anorexia. I don't know why I was afraid to do it, as if it were a secret I couldn't talk about. Embracing that part of myself has given me a lot of peace and tranquility.
A fellow member of my group therapy group asked me one day, "What do you like to do?" And I said, "I don't know, nothing." He replied, "Well, take a blank sheet of paper and write down things you did when you were little, when you were still free and no one had influenced you. Go inside yourself, take your time, write them down, and you'll see things come out." And indeed, they did. We all like our own things; the problem is that we've forgotten them and hidden them away. That even helped me create a professional project that was key to feeling useful, happy, and fulfilled.