Why do teenagers move on from their parents?
When adolescence arrives, many parents worry when their children stop wanting to be with them or communicate with them less. "Have I done something wrong?" they often express their concerns. The reason for this distancing must be sought in the changes that occur during this developmental stage at a biological, psychological and social level.
According to a study by Stanford University , the brain of an adolescent is programmed to stop registering the voice of their parents. The main conclusion of the research, which analyzed what happens in the brains of children, adolescents and young people when their parents speak, is that at the age of 13 people no longer find their mother's voice rewarding and are more attuned to voices that come from strangers. However, we can experience this distance in a healthy way.
What is resilience and why is it important in adolescence?
Struggle to find identity
Adolescents are at an age of questioning everything and constructing their own identity, which generates confusion, disorientation and often a feeling of loneliness and misunderstanding. Constructing one's own identity implies becoming independent of the support figures who have accompanied us throughout our childhood. Differentiating oneself from adults also involves becoming more connected to peers, such as classmates and friends. Understood in this way, the distance that adolescents put with their parents is a healthy way of growing towards their autonomy.
Adolescents are at an age of questioning everything and building their own identity.
If you were in your teenage years, can you remember how you felt when adults didn't understand you? When people feel misunderstood, they seek help from those who are more understanding. It's reassuring to feel understood and to see that there are other people going through the same situation. For this reason, boys and girls tend to seek help and support from friends . This also means moving away from family to seek other values, opinions and ways of doing things that are different from those at home.
Can you remember how you felt as a teenager when adults didn't understand you?
Interdependent on adults
It is a mistake to think that during adolescence, adults are not needed. Rather, boys and girls need the adults they have as role models to accompany them and to feel that they can turn to them when they deem it necessary. The accompaniment of adults is a presence that we can express in the following way: "I am here for whatever you want to share with me or in case you want to know my opinion."
During adolescence, boys and girls move from being dependent on their parents to being interdependent.
As adult figures, it is important to be able to legitimize the need for differentiation that adolescents experience, to accompany them in this period of growth and personal construction. If we insist on imposing our values, we will find resistance to sharing their experiences with us and, consequently, they will distance themselves more from adults. That is why we say that during adolescence we go from being dependent on our parents to being interdependent. In short, it is not true that adolescents do not move away from their parents, but rather that they distance themselves from them and approach their peers on their path towards autonomy, as a healthy part of the search for identity.
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