When self-imposed pressure becomes a problem

There's a common belief that high standards are a positive attitude and value that can help us improve and give our best. However, when we're constantly focused on giving our best, anticipating everything, with a perfectionist attitude and always striving for excellence, high standards become a problem . We stop allowing ourselves to be human, to make mistakes, to admit we don't know, don't know, can't do something, or learn. Instead, we beat ourselves up, neglect ourselves, and stop providing the basic care we need in order to meet impossibly high standards we set for ourselves to prove our worth to the world.

And that is when self-imposed demands are accompanied by a state of great stress and anxiety, worry and fear associated with not fulfilling what we have set for ourselves.

Self-criticism can be defined as the tendency to constantly impose very high goals and expectations on oneself, being highly critical of oneself. Eating disorders (EDs) are characterized by several complex aspects that not only affect the relationship with food, but in which self-perception and self-criticism play a very important role.

When we live focused on always giving our best, with a perfectionist attitude and always seeking excellence, self-demand becomes a problem, because we stop allowing ourselves to be human beings.

Why are people with eating disorders so demanding of themselves?

People with eating disorders often experience intense internal pressure to achieve perfection . Several factors converge to trigger this self-demanding pattern:

• Social pressure from imposed beauty standards, which promote thinness as the primary value and the importance of physical appearance (a slim female figure and a muscular male figure), is amplified by social media.
• Low self-esteem is a characteristic of people with this disorder, who have difficulty perceiving their own worth, qualities, and strengths. The distortion of their physical image and their negative self-perception lead them to try to change their personality and appearance to fit into societal standards or what society (family, friends) expects of them, believing that this will make them feel much better about themselves.
• Perfectionism: a tendency to always strive for excellence in all areas of life, not just in weight, diet, or physical appearance. Likewise, despite their efforts, they never truly value their achievements, leading to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction.
• The need to control every aspect of life to ensure the success of their goals. Self-imposed pressure is the way they find to achieve this sense of control: over their weight, their physical appearance, their social relationships, their academic and professional performance, and so on.
• The need for constant external validation from those around them. Social comments that reinforce their external goals of success or beauty, in turn, reinforce the behaviors or symptoms of the disorder, which they maintain in order not to lose the personal validation they need.

Sandra Piñeiro Fungueiriño

Person affected by anorexia

"The problem is the path you take to try to be the best in a sport."

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How does self-imposed pressure affect people with eating disorders?

Self-imposed demands can be a trigger for an eating disorder, but also a maintaining factor, as it contributes to body dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, and cognitive rigidity.

• Extreme perfectionism can trigger restrictive and compulsive eating behaviors, excessive exercise, a need for a lot of approval, and difficulty recognizing real achievements.
• Negative self-evaluation of one's image and personality contributes to decreased self-esteem and generates feelings of inadequacy.
• The development of cognitive rigidity : greater difficulty in being flexible, adapting to changes, and tolerating uncertainty or last-minute surprises.
• Persistent feelings of guilt and failure. Because perfectionism is perpetual dissatisfaction, people with eating disorders often experience feelings of self-loathing when they feel unable to meet the high standards they have set for themselves.

Replace self-criticism with self-care

Some recommendations that can help you not to be so demanding of yourself are:

• Replace the term "self-demand" with "self-care." When self-care becomes a burden and causes anxiety or stress, we are not taking care of ourselves. Self-care is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
• Identify distorted thoughts. Observe which thoughts arise from personal needs or from the demands of the disorder. Recognize and question negative thoughts about the body, personality, and food.
• Training in coping skills. Strategies for managing stress, identifying and expressing emotions, and resolving conflicts, to find other ways to cope with difficulties in a healthy way as an alternative to restrictive or compulsive eating behaviors.
• Establish a kind and loving dialogue with ourselves.
• Let's set fewer and more realistic goals .
• Put flexibility into practice in everyday life.
• Sharing our thoughts and feelings with other people will help us to communicate assertively and to set boundaries.
• Surround yourself with people who support and value you for who you are. Asking people to stop making comments about your appearance is okay.

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Being demanding of ourselves doesn't guarantee that we'll achieve our goals, but taking care of ourselves will always end up providing us with the love we need and will promote a more positive and healthy relationship with ourselves.