Understanding children with ADHD
He is very active, active, absent-minded, lazy; he doesn't do things because he doesn't want to, he only does them if he is motivated; if we scold him, then he gets into it; he only works with shouting and punishment; he is defiant and, if he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't do it; day to day is a problem because we have to shout, we have to get angry and there is no way we can have a quiet day.
These are some of the descriptions of the day-to-day lives of parents who come to the clinic, asking about their children and what worries them the most. They see that the routine they use is not working for them, they often change strategies, they tell you that depending on the day they end up doing one thing or another, but they feel overwhelmed because they cannot achieve a satisfactory and functional routine.
Beyond talking about behavioral, learning or habit problems, it is important that we know how we can help these children feel satisfied, that they feel that they are not disappointing their parents' expectations and, far from the label, overcome difficulties and can grow with good personal self-esteem.
How can I tell if my son or daughter has ADHD?
ADHD, beyond a restless child
ADHD is an immaturity in the prefrontal cortex , which affects between 10 and 20% of the child and adolescent population, and which causes great difficulty in these children to be able to comply with what is asked of them, whether it is habits of autonomy, orders, academic activities or even following in sports.
The prefrontal cortex is an area of the brain that guides us in everything we do, like an activity planner, which allows us to remain focused on a task without being distracted, inhibiting actions that are "not relevant" or directing our attention to what is irrelevant . It is the area of the brain responsible for remembering what we have to do, which allows us to plan when doing it, organize ourselves and is even involved in regulating our emotions when doing things. Thus, it allows us to do something even if we are very bored . It is also the area of the brain that allows us to see the future, the consequences of our actions, what would happen if we did one thing or another, so that we can choose to do it or not, as we see fit.
It is important that these children feel that they do not disappoint their parents' expectations and, far from the label, overcome difficulties and can grow with good personal self-esteem.
In children with ADHD, this area of the brain shows a certain immaturity (estimated to be around 30%), which makes it difficult for them to fulfill what would be expected for their age . They simply do not have the sufficient neurological maturity to be able to do what would be theirs. We call these executive functions.
Thus, at home they may show attitudes such as:
- They often complain about having to do anything or don't do it because they get stuck with what they like best or it passes them by.
- They get angry when limits are set.
- They don't tolerate frustration when they get a no or when things don't go the way they wanted.
- They appear defiant, stubborn, angry...
- Their emotions are very exaggerated, so when they are happy they are very, very happy, and when they are angry, they show their displeasure in a very externalized way.
- They have a hard time remembering what they were told to do.
- They find it difficult to follow routines.
- They don't "hear" us if we speak to them from a distance because they are immersed in what they are doing and which they really enjoy.
How can we help a child with ADHD at home?
On the other hand, at school , teachers usually warn that:
- Homework is not listed in the agenda.
- They prefer to play than do work.
- They lose focus from what they were doing and need to be reminded often.
- They seem to be defiant because they get angry at having to do what they don't feel like doing.
- They show their low tolerance for frustration when something doesn't go their way, because they can't regulate their emotion or the response they give to that emotion.
- They often get angry with their peers and find it difficult to give in.
- Sometimes they have disproportionate responses to conflicts.
Understanding and supporting our children with ADHD
First of all, the most important thing is that a center specializing in childhood and adolescence carries out an assessment. It is necessary to assess whether the cause of the difficulties is that he has ADHD or if there is some other reason behind it, since other emotional problems, such as depression, can also cause symptoms compatible with this disorder. Difficulties with the immediate environment, such as bullying , traumatic situations or a family environment that is unstructured or that makes the child suffer can also cause this behavior. Therefore, differential diagnosis by a professional is very important.
We must help them and teach them that they can, that they know how, that they will succeed, and, therefore, always reinforce what they do well and help them grow in personal self-esteem.
We need to understand our son or daughter . We need to understand that they don't do it because they can't, and not because they don't want to. From here, we have to be their companion in difficulties, their planner, we have to help them inhibit unfortunate responses , regulate their emotions, continue with a task and recognize the satisfaction that comes from finishing it , remember what they have to do and, above all, accompany them by teaching them that they can, that they know how to do it, that they can get by, and, therefore, always reinforcing what they do well and helping them grow in personal self-esteem.
Mindfulness to improve the symptoms of children and adolescents with ADHD
How? Well, by giving him orders with affection, one by one, looking him in the eye and accompanying him to do what he has to do. As if he were smaller than he is, because, in reality, in this area of the brain it is as if he were smaller. Some things that can help him are:
- Make lists of what to do.
- Make posters with the schedule you have to follow, with the mandatory things and the things you like to do and can do later.
- Make signs with the things you need to take every day (stick them in strategic places).
- Provide rewards when he has done what he should do, in the form of social reinforcers, pleasant activities, gummies, etc.
- Boost their self-esteem and encourage them in the face of failures.
- Congratulate him often.
- Help him instead of scolding and punishing him (talk to him about what he needs to correct, and help him correct it)
Children with ADHD tend to be very creative, emotional, fun, affectionate, spontaneous, friendly, social..., and this should be valued very much. Over time, as the brain matures, the symptoms can become advantages if they have learned to manage the difficulties and understand their functioning profile.
Thus, they will be able to move from the attentional difficulty of ADHD to the curiosity of adulthood; from impulsivity to creativity; and from hyperactivity to the endless energy to achieve what they set out to do.
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