Talking about death to live and die better

We're sharing this TEDx Lleida talk by Dr. Montserrat Esquerda , in which she makes us reflect on the importance of talking about death and how it benefits us in life. In her talk, she also addresses the fact that distancing death from our society has meant distancing those who are grieving as well.

In our society, death remains a taboo subject that is not discussed enough. Esquerda reminds us that "talking about dying is very much about talking about living; talking about it helps us to live and die better."

In this context, she revisits what nurse Tanzin Kyosaki explains in her book, *The Three Regrets: Inspirational Stories of Love and Forgiveness at Life's End*, about people's final regrets before dying. Kyosaki explains that people express their greatest regrets as not having pursued their dreams, not having spent more time with family and friends, not having expressed love to the important people in their lives, and not having forgiven.

Esquerda calls this "doing your homework": finding ways to say "I love you" and express your love every day, asking for forgiveness for mistakes, forgiving others, and giving thanks.

In this society that hides death, it also hides those who are grieving , who feel desolate and misunderstood. "We will all experience grief," she explains, "and each loss is a part of ourselves. We must heal that wound and learn to live without that part of our lives that is gone. There are no magic solutions, but grief can be supported."

Dr. Montserrat Esquerda, a specialist in grief counseling, emphasizes the importance of supporting and listening to people who are grieving. Echoing the words of author Francesc Torralba, she states: "Pain needs to be heard."

Dr. Montserrat Esquerda is a pediatrician in Sant Joan de Déu-Terres in Lleida and director of the Borja Institute of Bioethics at the Ramon Llull University.