Strategies for learning to regulate emotions during adolescence
Emotional regulation, also known as self-regulation, is the ability to manage thoughts, emotions and behaviors to face day-to-day challenges and act consistently with our values and goals.
This skill involves:
- Be aware of what we think and feel , understanding that we have thoughts, but that we are not our thoughts, since these are often automatic and are not a mirror of reality.
- Effectively manage stress and impulse control, to act with greater clarity and calmness.
- Motivate ourselves internally , finding our own reasons for doing things and ways to maintain motivation to achieve goals.
Why is it important to know how to regulate ourselves emotionally?
Good emotional regulation allows us to:
- Stay calm in difficult situations.
- Make more thoughtful decisions.
- Persist in your goals despite obstacles.
- Improve relationships with other people and with ourselves.
- Increase emotional well-being and the feeling of emotional balance.
- When we learn to regulate ourselves, we transform stressful moments into opportunities for growth.
Socio-emotional skills that promote resilience
How can emotional self-regulation be trained?
Like any social-emotional skill, emotional regulation can be trained. Here are some helpful strategies:
Be aware of thoughts and emotions
To achieve this, you can write down your automatic thoughts when you feel bad and look for more realistic or neutral versions, or even rephrase them constructively. You can also write down how you feel, naming the emotions you associate with them, then assess them and carry out an activity that helps you feel better and cope with the situation.
For example, if you think, "I'm a mess" after a failed presentation, stop and rephrase: "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. I can learn from what happened and improve. I can do better next time."
Or if you think, “I won’t pass this exam,” stop and ask yourself, “Is that really true? Is there evidence to support that?” You can replace that thought with a more constructive one , such as, “I’ve studied and I’ll do my best.”
Regulate stress
There are many strategies that can help you manage stress, and each person must explore and discover what works for them at each moment in their life.
Physical strategies:
- Do sports or walk.
- Sleep between eight and ten hours.
- Eat a balanced diet.
- Take breaks to rest.
Psychological strategies:
- Practice mindfulness or deep breathing.
- Identify activities that give you energy (listening to music, being in contact with nature, socializing, etc.) or that help you disconnect (yoga, sewing, painting, etc.).
- Talk to someone you trust.
- Organize your time with an agenda or app.
For example, if you get stuck during an exam, instead of getting completely carried away by your nerves, put down your pen, take three deep breaths, and reread the question. Often, with a calmer mind, the answer will appear.
Does mindfulness really work?
Motivate yourself
According to self-determination theory, there are two types of motivation:
- Intrinsic: When you do something because you like it or it makes you feel good. Example: "I study because I'm interested in the subject."
- Extrinsic: When you do it for a reward or to avoid punishment. Example: "I study because they will buy me a cell phone."
To identify what really moves you to do things, you can write down why you do what you do or why you want to do something new (study, play sports, help around the house, etc.). What do you do out of obligation? What makes you feel good? Try looking for a more internal motivation for an activity that is currently difficult for you .
Emotional regulation is not innate, it can be trained. The more you practice it, the more capable you will be of facing challenges with calm, clarity and confidence. We can influence our emotional well-being if we are aware of our thoughts and work to make them more constructive.
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