Say what you feel with respect and confidence
Assertiveness is the ability to express what you think, feel, or need in a clear, direct, and respectful way . It is a skill that allows you to defend your rights without violating those of others. When this skill is put into practice in relationships, we speak of assertive communication.
Communicating assertively means:
- Say what you think without hurting anyone.
- Listen actively and empathetically.
- Use "I + message" instead of "you + message" to avoid accusations.
- Maintain consistency between what you say, how you say it and how you behave.
- Respect yourself and others.
It is the balance between saying nothing (passive communication) and imposing oneself (aggressive communication), but also avoiding passive-aggressive communication, which expresses discomfort indirectly or ironically.
Guidelines for practicing empathetic listening
What is assertiveness for?
Practicing assertive communication helps you:
- Improve relationships with friends, family, colleagues, etc.
- To make you understand better.
- Set healthy limits.
- Gain confidence and self-esteem.
- Reduce conflicts and manage them more calmly.
When you communicate assertively, others can understand, respect, and take you into account. This strengthens your self-perception and makes you feel more secure.
How can you train assertiveness and communicate assertively?
Use "me + message"
Express how you feel without accusing the other person.
❌ "You never listen to me!".
✅ "I feel left out when you don't answer me".
Transform common complaints into sentences with the subject “I.” For example: “I feel frustrated when you don’t consult me before making decisions.”
Set boundaries with respect.
Saying "no" is not being selfish, it's taking care of yourself.
❌ "Leave me alone, you idiot!"
✅ "I need to be alone right now. Can we talk later?"
Think about a situation in which you found it difficult to say "no" and write down how you could do it in a clear, respectful and kind way.
Express what you want or need
Don't settle just to avoid conflicts.
❌ "I don't know, whatever you want."
✅ "I'd like to see a movie. Would you like to?"
Write a request that you find difficult to make and try to formulate it clearly.
Take care of your body language
What you say should be accompanied by a relaxed posture, direct gaze and a firm but calm tone of voice.
Practice in front of the mirror an assertive phrase like: "I have the right to decide for myself."
Identify your communication style
| Style | How do you act? | How are you feeling? | How do you express yourself? |
|---|---|---|---|
| Passive | You don't say what you think. | Anxiety, guilt | "Well, nothing's wrong" |
| Aggressive | You impose your opinion. | Anger, hostility | "What delusions do you have?" |
| Passive-aggressive | You are complaining indirectly. | Frustration | "It's okay..." (but it's not) |
| Assertive | You say what you think with respect. | Confidence, calm | "I think..." "I feel..." |
Reflect on a recent conversation. What style did you use? How could you have been more assertive?
Assertiveness is learned and practiced . The more you use assertive communication, the more natural it will become. And if you make a mistake, that's okay: it's part of the process. Remember that expressing your feelings respectfully is not weakness, it's strength.
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