Pornography consumption and adolescence
Often, when our sons and daughters reach the stage of adolescence, we are overcome by a feeling of bewilderment, fear, restlessness and doubts. We go from being their main referents to being educational agents with an apparently secondary role in their lives and we see how they begin to need much more autonomy and intimacy.
We may feel lost and not understand the ways they relate to each other, because they are very different from the ways we used to. We may feel confused because we don't quite understand how the entire digital universe they have access to is configured. And we may be scared that they have easy access to pornography and sexual content through their mobile phones, tablets and computers.
Next, we will review the characteristics of sexuality in adolescence, we will critically read pornography today and we will provide essential keys to accompany sexuality and manage pornography from home.
Adolescence and sexuality
Adolescence is a period that has always had many negative connotations, but which has great potential. It is a vital stage marked by exploration, trial and error, research and the construction of identity . A moment that is usually accompanied by emotional contrasts: conflict, rebellion, attraction to risk, experimentation with pleasure, hyperactivity and passivity or exaltation and fatigue.
Sexuality , in turn, is a dimension of people that includes biological, psychological and social aspects. It accompanies us throughout our lives, from birth to death, and in the adolescent stage its experience is linked to discovery, the search for identity, belonging to a peer group and the need for exploration. Everything that had previously been experienced alone begins to acquire an interpersonal dimension, and the learning about limits and communication made during childhood begins to come into play in this area.
Although we can draw some general lines that can help us understand sexuality in adolescence, neither adolescence nor sexuality are homogeneous concepts. Therefore, the most important thing is to keep in mind that each person will have a unique experience . We need to be curious and observe how our son or daughter experiences it. Does he want to talk about it? Is it an issue that interests him? Is he curious? Does he ask us questions? Does he need spaces of intimacy? Does he have them?
Pornography and digital context
Since 2008, there has been widespread access to the internet and to smart mobile devices and 4G. The mobile phone has become central to carrying out all kinds of daily activities: communication, entertainment, shopping, work, satisfaction of sexual and emotional needs... and also to watching pornography. Before the internet, porn consisted of images, magazines, films, videos or DVDs. The content was scarce and there were age filters and economic barriers that limited access. Currently, however, the old sex industry has been transformed, creating a new phenomenon called "new online pornography" (NLP). This pornography consists mainly of short recordings or images where explicit sex scenes appear intended to generate sexual arousal and which are distributed over the internet for free and through streaming platforms called tubes (channels). In these channels, unlimited content is distributed on a massive scale and without access barriers .
The new online pornography represents a normative, sexist and racist model of sexuality, focused on male and heterosexual pleasure and with violence as a common ingredient.
The presence of sexual content, however, is not limited to pornographic websites, but has colonized a good part of virtual spaces, such as social networks, video games, etc. For example, there are stickers with explicit content that can be downloaded directly from pornographic pages or video games that include erotic or sexual content. On the other hand, there are also several social networks that link to pornographic pages through tags and links.
The new online pornography represents a normative, sexist and racist model of sexuality , which is not far from other representations of sexuality that we can find in current series, books or films, such as 365 days , Culpables or Through my window . Thus, the type of sexuality that the new online pornography shows:
- It defines a very structured sexual choreography focused on penetration, on the genitals, on male and heterosexual pleasure.
- The contents it includes are structured into categories that define what is considered normal and what should be differentiated.
- Violence is a common ingredient in many recordings.
- Racist and gender stereotypes set clear rules of behavior.
- The absence of context and communication between the characters and the lack of protection foster a model that does not include care .
So, what should we do as families?
The first thing we need to do is calm down and breathe. Although the current situation may scare us, the digital context is part of reality and we have integrated it as part of the daily life in which we live and interact. We can neither avoid nor control that they have access to it, therefore, what is interesting is that we inform ourselves and acquire tools to accompany them in the best way .
We will need to provide resources and establish agreements for screen management, provide information about the risks and pleasures that sexuality and pornography can entail, and, ultimately, accompany adolescents in their process of autonomy, so that they learn to make their own decisions. Adolescents need to experiment, make mistakes, and learn from their mistakes in order to become adults . If we overprotect them, we are creating future people who are afraid, lacking initiative, and lacking the skills to make decisions for themselves.
The functions we can perform as families to accompany sexuality and pornography are the following:
1. Offer sex education at home from childhood
We need to break the taboo, talk about sexuality from a very young age and adapt the content according to the age and curiosity of the child or teenager. If we haven't started yet, it's never too late to do it! Having started this sex education will allow us to more easily address pornography, if any related situation arises. If the teenager we have at home doesn't want to talk to us about sexuality, it's interesting to use resources such as series or books to try to start conversations and remind them that we are there if they need us. At the same time, we need to make sure that they have other places such as high school, after-school activities, recreation, the open center or the youth center to talk about it.
2. Manage your screens at home
It is important that we agree on limits and rules of use and that we are an example for them. We must make decisions about which screens we want to be used at home, in which spaces: private or common, at what times of the day, how long they can be used, what uses we want to give them. Apart from that, it is important to stimulate a critical capacity with the screens and the contents and applications that are offered on them, detecting, for example, mechanisms that favor dependence or violent content.
3. Ensure that pornographic content (like other sexist representations of sexuality) arrives as late as possible
At this point, it is important to highlight that, although we can manage screens well at home and try to delay the first encounters with hegemonic porn, as families we have limitations. Not everything is in our hands, and we must remember that digital education ends up being much more effective than control . In the case of children, it will be important to be able to protect them, and with adolescents, what will be most relevant are limits, agreements and support towards autonomy.
The effects of pornography on the emotional and sexual development of adolescents
4. Encourage a critical look at representations of sexuality
It is important that we can ask questions that stimulate critical thinking with audiovisual products in general, and also with pornography in particular. Adolescents must learn to have a critical view of what they see and not swallow all the clichés, roles and stereotypes. We can ask questions about the content they are watching such as: Do you think what you are seeing is fiction? Why? Do you think that in reality sexuality is similar to what is shown here? Do you see any sexist stereotypes? And racist ones? How do you think the characters feel?
Teenagers must learn to have a critical look at what they see and not swallow all the clichés, roles and stereotypes. We can ask questions about the content they are watching that stimulate their critical capacity.
5. Accompany the consumption of pornography
If we have reached the point where our son, daughter or son consumes pornography, the most important thing is to be able to talk about it, as well as adapt the response we give depending on the age and type of consumption, since it is not the same to see pornographic content at sixteen years old and having had sexual experiences as at twelve years old and without any information. We can investigate what type of content they have seen , ask if they have understood it and make it clear that what is seen in porn is fiction.
6. Detect and intervene in problematic or risky situations
As families, we need to be attentive to see what types of porn consumption they are doing and detect the negative effects and risky behaviors . It is not the same to see pornographic content sporadically as to use it compulsively. We should raise alarms when there is a lack of control over behavior, when the desire to consume porn generates anxiety or if discomfort is experienced if it cannot be accessed. If we see any of these situations, it will be interesting to be able to talk to a professional in psychology or sexology.
7. Offer educational and alternative resources about sexuality
Finally, it will be key that we can offer information and resources about sexuality. For example, we can offer them books like Everything You Need to Know About Sexuality , novels that talk about the topic , or series like Sex Education .
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