Living with trauma

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), nearly 4% of the world's population suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD is a mental health disorder resulting from experiencing an event that has overwhelmed our coping abilities and resources, such as living through or witnessing a natural disaster, a serious accident, war, or assault. Social support is a key factor in the prognosis and recovery from PTSD. Therefore, it is important to consider some key points and resources that can help us support a loved one experiencing this disorder.

First, we need to understand what a traumatic reaction entails . We can start by learning about the basic areas affected by post-traumatic stress disorder:

Re-experimentation

The person relives what happened, or part of it. It's not that they remember it, but rather that they re-experience the event as if it were happening again. The person sees, feels, smells, or hears what occurred during the event, either during the day or in the form of distressing nightmares. All of this happens involuntarily and unexpectedly, is intrusive for the person, and, moreover, keeps repeating itself.

Avoidance

To try and eliminate these re-experiencing events (which cause significant distress), the person attempts to avoid at all costs anything they think might trigger them. While this may seem sensible, it ultimately becomes highly dysfunctional and prevents the brain from readjusting and convincing itself that the danger has passed. In the long term, we can see people who have stopped doing something for years or who have progressively increased the number of things they avoid (or expose themselves to), severely limiting their lives.

PTSD is a mental health disorder resulting from experiencing an event that has overwhelmed our coping capacity and resources, such as living through or witnessing a natural disaster, a serious accident, a war, or an assault.

Hyperalert

It's normal for the person to be upset by everything they're feeling and everything that's happening to them. So, they're often more irritable, have outbursts of anger (without justification), may exhibit risky or reckless behavior, are vigilant, startle easily, have trouble concentrating, or experience sleep problems.

Alterations in thought and mood

It's common to be unable to fully access the memory of what happened or relevant aspects of the event, which can lead the person to doubt themselves, believe they can't trust anyone, or think they never make good decisions. They may even distort their explanation of what happened; for example, they often blame themselves for being hurt by others. Clearly, all of this can make the person feel unwell, almost always moody, scared, angry, or constantly ashamed or guilty . They may lose interest in things they previously enjoyed, leading to a sense of isolation. They may find it very difficult to experience positive emotions, especially those related to personal relationships.

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It is important that we learn what it means to experience a potentially traumatic event in order to understand the changes the person may undergo and the changes in our relationship. Understanding the disorder makes us aware that the affected person may experience changes in their functioning, for example:

• He gets angry much more quickly.
• Feeling that he has less patience.
• He gets annoyed at the slightest thing.
• She becomes more controlling.
• It shows a certain dependence that it did not previously exhibit or, conversely, rejects our help and company.
• He has dips in his mood after a few days when he seemed to be doing better.
• It's even possible that he doesn't feel like it or doesn't want to do the things we used to do together.

Sometimes the person unintentionally alters the explanation of what happened and may be in a bad mood, scared, angry, or constantly feel shame or guilt.

This situation can make us feel scared or frustrated, especially if it drags on. Deep down, we want the person next to us to be okay as soon as possible and not suffer. Furthermore, we mustn't forget that we might also be shaken by what happened, so we'll have to deal with our own recovery. We can't save someone from drowning if we're also sinking and can't swim.

How can we help a person with PTSD?

It's common to feel unhelpful, powerless, or useless in the face of what the other person is going through, but we must remember that most people affected explain that what helps them most is simply having their loved ones by their side. One of the most important things we must learn to do is to endure the silences . Silence isn't bad; it gives us space to recover, and very often, we need it. When something unpleasant happens to us, it's common for those around us to constantly offer things, solutions, or share their own experiences, instead of simply offering silent support . This usually happens because anxiety and the need for the person to be okay take over.

Guidelines for practicing empathetic listening

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Instead, we can tell the person that we are there to listen if they feel like talking at any point. When the opportunity arises, some tips for listening are :

• Do not contradict or interrupt (even if we are not convinced by what we hear).
• Repeat what he/she has told us, in our own words, and ask specific questions.
• Communicate clearly, directly, and positively.
• Be clear about our feelings, identify them and verbalize them, don't expect the other person to guess them.
• Do not give advice (unless directly asked), much less lessons.

Besides being there and listening to the person empathetically, other ways to help them can be:

• Offer to accompany her to medical appointments.
• Suggest a weekly activity with her (going out for dinner or going out to do sports).
• Encourage her to stay in touch with her entire social network.
• We should avoid being intrusive and prevent her from feeling like we're always hovering. We must try to respect her space and time to avoid creating feelings of overwhelm or oppression.

This situation, over the course of weeks or months, can take its toll, leaving us feeling tired, guilty, or even angry. When we notice ourselves reacting angrily, starting to lose patience, or having negative thoughts about the other person's process, it's time to take some time for ourselves and even seek professional help.