How to support a person in mourning?

Death is an uncomfortable topic that we find difficult to talk about. Many people don't know how to connect with someone who has recently experienced a loss or is going through the grieving process. Sometimes we lack the right words and have doubts about how to support this person without seeming intrusive or hurting them with well-intentioned words. We must remember that the person is in a particularly vulnerable moment.

Grief is a normal and entirely personal process. Therefore, each person will experience it in their own way, needing their own time and process to cope with the pain of loss. There are as many ways to support someone through grief as there are people, but there are common aspects that we can highlight as essential at this time: empathy, understanding and affection, respect, and genuine presence.

From this perspective, there is consensus on the basic aspects that can make a difference when we accompany people who are grieving.

6 basic guidelines for providing support during bereavement:

1. Don't judge how important a loss is or isn't.

   The experience and meaning are unique to each person. Avoid phrases that diminish the significance of the loss, such as "she was very old," "she had lived her life," "life goes on," "it's the circle of life," "we all go through this," etc.

2. Actively listen and respect their silences.

   Sometimes we just need to be heard, without being judged, without being interrupted. Or simply to be present in a quiet, supportive environment. Everyone has their own pace and needs, and we must adapt to that.

3. Respect their expressions of pain.

   Let's avoid saying "don't cry anymore" or "calm down." It's also not the time to give unsolicited advice like, "distract yourself, think about happy things."

4. Let them know you're there for whatever they need.

   Express your willingness to support them: "You can count on me to talk anytime you need to," "We'll be there for you. Ask us for help if you need it."

5. Offer your help without forcing it, in case the person needs assistance with daily tasks that may be difficult in the first few days, especially if they have little family or social support.

6. Stay in touch with the person beyond these first few days.

   People going through grief may feel very supported in the first few days and very alone afterward. Showing interest, companionship, and comfort can make all the difference.

If you're someone who finds it difficult to find the right words in these situations, we're sharing some phrases that might be helpful for expressing your condolences and support :

• Don't hesitate to let me know if I can help you with anything.
• I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the pain you are experiencing, but you can count on me for anything you need.
• I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. I have been thinking of you a lot these past few days.
• Count on me to talk anytime you need to.

We don't always have a close relationship that allows us to offer our support in person at farewell ceremonies. So, how can we offer condolences via WhatsApp without seeming frivolous or distant? Well, empathy and understanding are just as important.

Be brief, offer your support, convey your empathy, and avoid using anything that could be misinterpreted, such as emojis, stickers, or GIFs. Simply offer your condolences, show your support, and express your availability for whatever the person may need, in a brief and sincere manner.