How to act when your partner has an eating disorder

Eating disorders ( EDs) are serious mental health conditions that negatively impact a person's life. One of the areas most commonly affected is personal relationships , including romantic relationships. EDs often make it difficult to both start and maintain a romantic relationship. They also commonly hinder healthy relationships, fostering dependency, vulnerability, and increasing the risk of abuse and mistreatment, for example. However, despite these difficulties, partners, as well as family and friends, can provide crucial emotional support that contributes to a positive prognosis for recovery.

What can the partner of someone with an eating disorder do?

Understanding what an eating disorder is

Obtaining accurate and sufficient information about the disorder will allow you to understand what is happening and know better how to act and what not to act. Otherwise, those around the affected person may engage in counterproductive behaviors, such as excessive control, overprotection, etc., which hinder a good prognosis for recovery.

What will allow us to have accurate and sufficient information about an eating disorder?

• Knowing what the behaviors and situations are typical of eating disorders.
• Knowing when the person is really speaking and acting, and when it's the eating disorder.
• Be more understanding of the person affected. Try to understand what they are going through, be more patient, and provide them with the support they need.
• Knowing how far we can and should go, being aware that the leadership of certain things is the responsibility of the affected person in collaboration with the specialized mental health team.
• Avoid counterproductive attitudes such as the need to overprotect and control, getting angry with the person affected by aspects they do not control and for which they need professional help.

Accepting that the partner cannot cure the affected person

Recovery is possible if the affected person receives treatment from a mental health team specializing in eating disorders. The partner's role will be key in accompanying and supporting the person, but they must accept that neither the partner, nor friends, nor family alone possess the necessary tools to help the affected person overcome an eating disorder. These tools will be provided by professional teams.

Trust and collaborate with professional teams

Overcoming an eating disorder requires teamwork from the professional team, the affected individual, and their close support network. Therefore, it is essential to trust the professional team and cooperate by following their recommendations and guidelines. It is very important to ask them any questions you may have.

To preserve a life that is as normal as possible

Although it is clear that the eating disorder will affect some aspects of life as a couple, such as meals or going out to a restaurant, etc., it is important to live as normal a life as possible and maintain all those usual activities such as work, leisure, social relationships, etc.

In this regard, it's important to remember that a couple's sexuality can be affected by an eating disorder. When someone suffers from this type of disorder, they often feel dissatisfied and insecure about their body, which can make it difficult for them to feel comfortable in intimate situations like sexual relations. Furthermore, an altered mood can also negatively impact sexual desire. It will be essential to listen to each other, talk about it, and respect each other's pace.

How does having an eating disorder affect sexuality

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Maintaining a balance of roles within the couple

For a healthy and equitable relationship, it's important that there be a balance of roles between both partners. This means that, although in certain aspects one person may assume a more dominant role and the other a more submissive one, and vice versa, it's crucial to remember that respect and recognition of each other's needs must be bidirectional and balanced. When a couple is dealing with an eating disorder, it's common for one partner to have difficulty being flexible in their approach.

Remember the importance of good communication

In any interpersonal relationship, good communication is essential, and in romantic relationships, especially when an eating disorder is present, it's crucial to talk calmly and respectfully about everything each person feels is necessary. When conversing, it's highly recommended to start with an attitude of understanding and collaboration , aiming to build a better relationship and set aside recriminations and arguments about who is right. What matters is not so much who is right, but what paths and solutions can be found between both people that foster a satisfying relationship for both.

Supporting someone with an eating disorder, whether a partner, child, or sibling, can be difficult and can bring many doubts and anxieties. For this reason, organizations for affected individuals and their families, such as the Association Against Anorexia and Bulimia , can provide psychosocial support to both those affected and their relatives.