I have a psychotic disorder: what do I tell my son or daughter?
We usually want to protect the people we love from suffering, and this makes us think that hiding a problem from them or not talking about it is the best thing we can do. That is why, on many occasions, when faced with a mental health problem, we consider it better not to explain it to our children; but this can be a mistake. Children are part of our lives and knowing that you have a mental health problem can help them understand certain behaviors or situations that they have experienced or will experience in the future, to normalize behaviors and reduce the impact that it can have on their emotional well-being. In addition, knowing that they are aware of it will also make you feel calmer , able to talk about things that worry you or ask for help, if you need it.
When an illness or mental health disorder appears, it is very difficult for children not to feel something about what is happening and, if they do not receive an explanation, they end up accessing partial information and can form a distorted idea about the situation . Therefore, if we do not inform them adequately, they may have misconceptions about the disorder, which have a negative impact on their state of mind, such as believing that they may be the cause, that they may develop the same disorder, that their parents may be dangerous or that there is no treatment, among others. It is important that you explain to them what is happening to you and some aspects of the disorder in language that children and adolescents can understand , according to their biological age.
Knowing that you have a mental health problem can help them understand certain behaviors or situations they have experienced or will experience in the future and reduce the impact they may have on their emotional well-being.
It should be noted that between the ages of 6 and 11, children have difficulty differentiating a mental health disorder from a physical illness, and tend to initially attribute the cause to infectious agents. This is relevant, as it leads them to believe that the mental disorder is "contagious", which partly explains one of the greatest fears of children, which is that of developing the disorder itself. At the age of 9, they locate "the disease" in the brain or head. Therefore, before the age of 9 , it is more important to focus on the symptoms and the implications they can have on their daily lives and to explain to them some of the situations that can happen and what they can do when they happen, rather than explaining to them the disorder itself and its causes, since they will not be able to fully understand it.
It is between the ages of 11 and 17 , that is, in pre-adolescence and adolescence, when they have the ability to understand that determining factors such as stress, genetics and bad experiences in childhood can be related to the development of a mental disorder. At this age they are already able to understand the importance of psychological processes and what things can help them feel better and what not.
What fears and emotions might children have in relation to mental health disorders?
- Fear of developing a mental disorder, as they do not know the causes.
- Feeling stigmatized and afraid that their peers will leave them aside at school because they have a parent with a mental health disorder.
- Fear that a time will come when they will not be able to enjoy the company of their father or mother.
- Feeling guilty, in case they are the cause of the disorder.
- Feeling frustrated, as they sometimes perceive that they have to have opposite roles: at school they act like children and at home they are required to behave as if they were older.
- Fear that if the people close to them do not take care of the mother or father, they could get worse or even die.
What can help children cope with and understand the situation?
There are some aspects that can help children better cope with the different situations that can arise from the disorder, such as a moment of decompensation:
- Understand what is happening in a clear and understandable way, taking into account the signals that they have detected.
- Knowing that it is not their fault.
- Continue their routines, such as school and extracurricular activities. Socializing with other children or teens is good for them and will keep them distracted.
- Know who will take care of them if the father or mother cannot, and also know how they will maintain contact with them.
- Have an adult they trust to talk to about their feelings and fears.
- Being able to express what they feel and share feelings.
- Access other social supports and participate in community activities, such as spaces where you can share experiences with other young people in similar situations.
Talking to children and adolescents about what is happening to you will help them alleviate their fears and anxieties and prevent them from filling in the gaps with incorrect information.
When you want to talk to your son or daughter, there are professionals who can help you . It is important that before having this conversation you prepare yourself and ask yourself what you want to communicate, so that there are no contradictory messages and, at the same time, you feel more prepared and confident. Even the youngest children can understand what is happening, with phrases like " mom or dad is not well and is receiving help to get better, and you have done nothing wrong ".
How can I improve communication with my teenage son?
He or she will probably have questions ; if not, encourage him or her to ask or raise concerns whenever he or she wants to. It is important to be honest about what you know and what you don't know. Don't expect to have all the answers, but being prepared helps. If you don't have a clear answer, ask your healthcare team for information so they can give you an answer as soon as possible. It is likely that your questions will change as you get older or your circumstances change. Some of the questions you might ask yourself are:
- Why does the mother/father act the way they do?
- Why does he cry, sleep a lot, not listen... (among others)?
- What is a mental disorder?
- What causes it?
- Who can help them?
- What can I say?
Therefore, if you have a mental disorder, we advise you to involve your children, to a greater or lesser extent, depending on their age and your needs. And you don't have to do it alone, you can ask your healthcare team for help.
Monica Gutierrez Peña
Featuring
