Guidelines for practicing empathetic listening

Listening, unlike hearing (perceiving sounds), is paying attention to what is heard. But do we really know how to listen? In interpersonal relationships, listening is essential for empathetically processing what is being explained to us, enabling us to understand and assimilate the information we receive and respond appropriately. Knowing how to listen, in addition to allowing us to understand, also allows us to convey to the other person, verbally or nonverbally, that we care and are interested in what they are saying and feeling , that we give meaning to their words.

This is what we call empathetic listening . It's a communication skill that allows us to understand what the other person is saying and feeling. It may seem easy, but it's not always achieved. However, it's a skill that can be consciously developed and is key in many areas of life where interpersonal relationships are important. Here are some basic guidelines to keep in mind when listening to someone.

Guidelines for nonverbal communication in empathetic listening

• Maintain eye contact with the other person.
• Turn your body towards the person you are talking to.
• Avoid crossing your arms or fidgeting.
• Maintain a relaxed facial expression
• You can nod, if you understand what he is explaining to you.

Guidelines for verbal communication in empathetic listening

• You can make sounds or say words of agreement: "Aha", "I see", "I understand", "You must have had a hard time".
• Summarize or paraphrase what you have heard in your own words to make sure you have understood it correctly. For example: "So, what I understand you to be saying is…".
• Focus on what the other person is saying to understand them better.
• Ask if you can help. For example: "Is there anything I can do to help you?", "What can I do to help you?"
• Use open-ended questions to obtain more information or to encourage reflection: "Tell me more about this topic"; "How did you feel?"; "What happened next?"; "How did you feel after this?"
• Don't interrupt.
• Don't judge, and respect.

New challenges in communication between parents and teenagers

Read more

What behaviors can be barriers to empathetic listening?

• Interrupt.
• Prejudging the person and their behavior.
• Environmental distractions. Put your mobile phone aside.
• Expecting the other person to have the same personal beliefs and values.
• Don't let your emotions get the better of you. If you're angry or sad, or simply don't feel like having a conversation, it might be better to find another time to talk about it, and you can let people know.
• Invalidating the other person's emotions.
• Giving advice without having previously understood what the person's needs are.

What behaviors can facilitate active listening?

• Maintain a state of presence and focus on what the other person is explaining and feeling.
• Clarify your doubts to avoid a misunderstanding.
• Putting ourselves in the other person's shoes and moving away from our personal perspective, in order to empathize with them and understand them.
• Try to understand what the other person is thinking, but above all, what they are feeling. To try to understand, it will be helpful to ask questions.
• To find out if there are problems or needs that we can address: "What do you need?", "What can I do for you?".
• To comfort the other person. Depending on the situation, to be able to let them know that they can count on you, that you are there if they need anything.