Grief in adolescents
When someone close to us dies, we begin a journey of adaptation to learn to live without that person. It's a common process, regardless of our age. However, depending on the stage of life we're in, our understanding, experiences, and ways of coping with the loss can be very different.
Adolescent grief is similar to that of adults because their understanding of death and their reactions are similar, although emotions may be expressed more intensely.
Grief in the digital age
In the face of a loss, we may find a teenager with an attitude that tends not to share the emotions they feel, not to show them because they do not want to be different from their peers and have it interpreted as a sign of weakness, or to feel pressured to behave like an adult.
Grief management in a teenager is therefore unique due to the stage of life and the high emotional burden it entails at a time when they are also dealing with other losses: romantic, friendship or academic failures.
The way young people usually express grief has a significant physical component , while the distress in adults is primarily psychological in nature.
Some of the normal manifestations of grief in adolescence are:
- Shock and confusion.
- Anger and irritability.
- Sleep or eating disorders.
- Fear of the possible loss of another family member.
- Reappearance of more childish behaviors.
- Guilt: feelings of guilt are common regarding things they have said or wished about the missing family member.
- Sadness: it can also manifest as fear of being alone, loss of interest in activities that used to interest him/her, decreased school performance, etc.
How to help a grieving teenager?
The guide "Grief. Tips for coping with the loss of a loved one" , from Parc Sanitari Sant Joan de Déu , includes some general guidelines for action after a death:
- Although it may be painful, inform them of the situation as soon as possible , finding an appropriate time and place, using simple language, being honest, and avoiding unnecessary details. It is preferable that the father, mother, or closest relative do this.
- Encourage them to express their concerns, feelings, and questions.
- Avoid expressions like "Don't be sad" or "You have to be brave."
- Provide care and affection , trying to get their help in caring for important people in their lives if their parents or primary caregivers are temporarily unable to do so due to their own grieving process.
- Allow them to participate , with accompaniment and if they so wish, in those intimate gestures and rituals that the family wishes to carry out in remembrance of the loved one, whether or not associated with the traditional funeral ritual.
- Facilitate, whenever possible, the resumption of their usual routines and activities.
- Avoid excessive expectations or responsibilities .
In general, the best way to help is to be there for the person, show interest in their needs, and respect the time they need. Talking, sharing memories, and sometimes even crying can provide great relief.
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