Experiencing grief during the coronavirus Christmas
In our society, many people eagerly await the arrival of Christmas , the holidays, returning home, gatherings with family and friends, exchanging gifts… It is one of the most special and most anticipated dates of the year.
But in some families this Christmas, there will be an empty chair : that of a loved one who is no longer with us and who may have recently passed away. In that case, absence and emptiness are the new guests that bring about various emotional states such as sadness, apathy, anger, envy, or even guilt. And that is when Christmas becomes a true terror, a nightmare, a period in which the abandonment of any kind of celebration or the feeling of obligation to hold family gatherings gives rise to a silent experience of grief capable of generating great distress in those affected.
Those who have been most affected by the coronavirus this year and are grieving these days are especially vulnerable, as Christmas is a constant invitation to various celebrations where experiencing the loss of a loved one is particularly difficult.
Christmas in times of pandemic is going to be very different, as we fear and as the various media remind us: limitations on the number of people at family gatherings, perimeter lockdowns, problems deciding who to get together with and who not to, reduced hours… The frustration of not being able to meet with loved ones may be greater at this time of year, because we generate many expectations around it, perhaps too many.
We may have to meet online to greet and communicate with some of our friends and loved ones. It's a good way to take advantage of and appreciate the opportunity these new technologies offer, since we won't be able to express our affection in person as we'd like.
For those who are grieving, Christmas is a time of incomprehension and contradiction. On the one hand, there are all the stimuli they will perceive from the outside world, and on the other, the longing for the absence of their loved one. The grieving person simply asks themselves: "If he or she isn't here, then what is the point of celebrating these holidays for me?"
There are different ways to deal with this conflict:
- Try to suppress Christmas , avoiding any kind of celebration related to this period by isolating yourself at home and fervently wishing that these days will pass.
- They act as if nothing has happened because they feel obligated to carry out the annual celebration, especially in families where there is a strong repression of feelings stemming from the loss or where there is an effort to protect other family members, particularly when there are young children. This can create intense conflict for the individual.
- Doing something different . Others prefer to make different plans, such as taking a trip, celebrating Christmas somewhere different where nobody knows you, or simply trying to change the very meaning of Christmas.
Some tips for coping positively with grief at Christmas could be:
- Relieve the stress of the previous days and try to understand that the world keeps turning as always while our lives have come to a complete standstill.
- Openly expressing our emotional states and preferences to introduce changes in Christmas rituals.
- Speak openly with your children and partner , and don't try to overprotect the little ones. Include them in all the remembrance rituals.
- Avoid isolation , as it prolongs the state of grief. Accept the support and closeness of those closest to you.
- To symbolize the absent person , by introducing some object that reminds them of them (photograph, candle, favorite song, a poem, their favorite food...).
- Try to build a different Christmas by incorporating activities and rituals that allow us to adapt to this celebration, tailoring it to what each person needs.
- Strengthening the belief system . For some bereaved, religion or the cultivation of spirituality can become a refuge of peace, and Christmas is a good opportunity for this.
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