Coping with Christmas during eating disorder treatment

Christmas is one of the most challenging times for people with eating disorders and their loved ones. Food and social gatherings take center stage in many homes, daily routines change, and we get together with family and friends we don't see regularly. If you live with someone with an eating disorder, you're surely very aware of the difficulties the Christmas holidays bring for your loved one. Therefore, we want to offer some guidelines to help you manage difficult situations during this special time of year.

The first thing to keep in mind is that treatment for an eating disorder is long-term, and we can't try to find a "normal" way of eating that doesn't yet exist. So we need to try to experience the Christmas holidays in a relaxed way and enjoy them as much as possible.

How to cope with Christmas if you have an eating disorder?

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In this sense, accepting the current situation is fundamental. No matter how much we want to, we can't change it immediately. So we have to try not to resist that thought, as it will only generate pain and suffering. Let's not forget that your role can be key in helping the person with an eating disorder cope with difficult times.

It is important that the person's support network normalize this time of year as much as possible, meaning that they should not disrupt traditions that were followed before the start of treatment. Maintaining routines and meal times is also key.

It's recommended not to set excessively high expectations for how Christmas should go and not to demand too much. We need to take things in a relaxed way and allow for the possibility of making mistakes.

Advice for family members, friends , and partners of people with eating disorders

1. Avoid comments about physical appearance.
   In general, it's always good advice not to talk about or judge people's physical appearance, but when we're sitting at the table with someone with an eating disorder, it's even more important not to comment on their appearance. Comments like "You look great!" can be perceived negatively by the person with an eating disorder, even if well-intentioned, and can ruin their day.
   Although we know it can be difficult at times, we must also be mindful of things said without considering the impact they might have on someone going through an eating disorder or who may be at risk. We're referring to casual expressions we use after eating large meals, such as: "I'm going to gain weight," "I'm going to get as fat as a whale," "I have to go back to the gym," for example.
2. Observe, but don't watch.
   Whether the person with an eating disorder is eating or not, it's important that they don't think you're watching them all the time.
3. Don't focus on the food .
   Sitting around a table with family or friends is the perfect setting for all sorts of conversations, which can be a welcome distraction for someone with an eating disorder. However, in your case, it's important to avoid conversations focused on food. Remember that while a meal might be enjoyable for us, for them it can be a source of suffering.
4. Pay attention to any difficult moments that may arise.
   Remember that the symptoms of this disorder are not a choice made by the affected person. Fear, anxiety, and feelings of guilt remain and offer no respite during this time. Initiating a conversation with the question, "How can I help you?" will help reduce anxiety and establish strategies for coping with situations that may arise.
5. Communicate calmly and try to control abrupt responses.
   Good communication allows you to talk about conflicts that may arise, and it also improves mutual understanding, which is necessary to ask for help.
6. Maintain an open attitude towards expressing emotions.
   It is important to encourage the expression of emotions and feelings, both by the person with the eating disorder and by the rest of the family and friends.
7. Don't give away clothes.
   Giving clothes as gifts to a person with an eating disorder can worsen difficulties related to body image, and by extension, to clothing sizes.
8. Don't judge.
   Everyone experiences recovery differently. Try to be understanding with your loved one and support them through the process.
9. Suggest leisure activities.
   It's very beneficial not to limit the Christmas holidays to just mealtimes. Thinking about and suggesting other activities during this time promotes distraction and social interaction for the person with an eating disorder.
10. Follow the guidelines of the reference healthcare team.
    In addition to these tips, specialized professional teams will provide you with the necessary guidelines on how to act during these holidays in each case to help make them pleasant days of company and affection.