Diverse motherhoods
Talking about motherhood means entering a territory laden with myths, expectations, and silences. The figure of the "good mother" has been constructed as one who gives herself without measure, who doesn't complain, who balances work and family without asking for anything in return, and who finds in her daughters and sons the absolute center of her existence. This model, upheld by patriarchal structures, has shaped the lives of generations of women.
When it comes to mothers of autistic individuals, with or without other co-occurring conditions, the pressures can multiply. They not only bear the burden of the ideal of the self-sacrificing mother , but also the responsibility of compensating for the lack of support and adapted resources, and, often, the indifference of the authorities. For many, their days are filled with paperwork, therapies, and intensive care that, despite the love they provide, end up eroding their physical and emotional health . The obstacle is not their children's condition, but rather an ableist and patriarchal culture that places the entire burden of care on them, without recognition or real support.
This article offers a feminist and critical perspective on these diverse forms of motherhood, focusing on two main themes: the impact on mothers' mental health and the invisibility of their caregiving . Furthermore, it points to collective care as a transformative horizon.
Feminist and social framework of motherhood
Motherhood is not merely a biological fact, but a social construct. Simone de Beauvoir (1949) already warned that women are prepared from childhood to conceive of motherhood as a natural destiny. Kate Millett (1969) denounced the myth that every woman is a potential mother, while Adrienne Rich (1978) pointed out that motherhood is "the great unknown," an institution permeated by patriarchal control.
In this context, Victoria Sau (1995) proposed detaching motherhood from the purely biological in order to understand it as a social, political, and cultural phenomenon. Patricia Merino (2017) adds that it constitutes the core of social organization, instrumentalized by patriarchy to the point of erasing women's femininity behind the figure of the mother.
For many mothers of autistic children, their days are filled with paperwork, therapies, and intensive care that, beyond love, end up eroding their physical and emotional health.
The consequences of this model are evident: motherhood becomes a mandate in which women must embody an instinctive and unconditional love, where there is no room for complaint or vulnerability . Esther Vivas (2021) argues that what makes motherhood a burden is not the experience itself, but the patriarchal yoke that conditions it. In this logic, the "ideal" mother is the one who accepts sacrifice as her destiny, and any deviation from the model generates guilt.
This framework becomes even more oppressive when it intersects with diversity, with neurodivergence. Mothers of autistic individuals face a double mandate: the cultural one, which demands perfection and devotion, and the ableist one, which holds families responsible for providing the support that society fails to offer and which, in many cases, they are also unprepared to provide with complete respect for the condition, either due to a lack of knowledge that they must learn "on the fly," adapting their own preconceived ideas. Thus, diverse motherhood becomes a terrain where the cracks in the traditional model are exposed: love and sacrifice, resilience and exhaustion , prolonged child-rearing and education, care and loss of identity coexist in constant tension.
Gemma Vilanova Porqueres
Maternal stress and mental health in mothers of autistic people
Scientific evidence shows that mothers of autistic individuals experience significantly higher levels of stress than other mothers. Comparative studies (García, 2020; Mohamad et al., 2022; Padilla, Byrne, and Álvarez, 2023) indicate that the demands of intensive care, coupled with a lack of resources, lead to a greater risk of anxiety, depression, and chronic fatigue .
The origin of this distress lies not only in the difficulties, barriers, and support needs that can arise in autism, but also in the social conditions surrounding parenting. Díaz and Ramírez (2022) emphasize that high-intensity care without adequate support deteriorates the psychological health of mothers . This is compounded by loneliness, a lack of community networks, and the feeling that their work is never enough.
Mothers of autistic people face a double mandate: the cultural one, which demands perfection and dedication, and the ableist one, which holds families responsible for providing the support that society does not offer.
From a feminist perspective, it is essential to question the narrative that associates maternal suffering exclusively with disability or that of the child. What wears mothers down is a cultural framework that renders their efforts invisible , that normalizes their lives revolving around caregiving, and that judges them when they express exhaustion or ambivalence. Badinter (2011) and Donath (2016) have shown how the myth of unconditional maternal love generates guilt and silence, preventing many women from verbalizing the distress they feel.
In practice, this translates into job resignations, social isolation, and emotional exhaustion . Many women must reduce their working hours or abandon personal projects, not because their love for their children is insufficient, but because the social structure does not contemplate any other way of sustaining life. As Oliver (2022) points out, although care work has gained prominence in feminist discourse, it has not yet materialized into public policies that alleviate the burden on caregivers.
In some mothers' testimonies , the feeling of living under constant pressure emerges strongly. They speak of endless nights, accumulated fatigue, giving up personal projects, and the social pressure that judges them even when they do everything possible. They express that their love for their sons and daughters is immense, but that the burden of providing such intensive care alone eventually wears down their physical and emotional health. Their words give a face and a body to what the data shows: maternal stress is not a statistic, but a daily experience marked by guilt, loneliness, and exhaustion.
The impact on the mental health of these mothers, therefore, is not an individual issue, but a structural one. Their symptoms do not reflect personal weakness, but rather the consequence of a system that places them alone in the face of overwhelming responsibilities.
Invisibility of care work and its consequences for well-being
Caregiving is essential for sustaining life, but historically it has been relegated to the private and feminized sphere. In practice, this means that women have borne the brunt of childcare, dependency, and support responsibilities , without these tasks being recognized or valued socially. According to recent data, 88.2% of non-professional caregivers in Spain are women (IMSERSO, 2025).
For many mothers of autistic individuals, this invisibility is even more pronounced. Their days are filled with medical appointments, psychoeducational interventions, mediation in schools or educational settings, bureaucratic and administrative procedures, battles for the recognition and enforcement of their children's rights, and constant support, among other challenges. Many express the loss of life plans, leisure time, and social connections . In these cases, motherhood becomes a space of personal sacrifice where the woman's identity is diluted behind the figure of the "mother-caregiver."
Supporting and guiding families after an autism diagnosis
From a feminist perspective, the ethics of care has raised the need to redefine this practice, not as a burden placed on women, but as a collective responsibility . Authors such as Gilligan (1985) and Noddings (1984) have defended care as a central tenet of social justice. However, the reality is that these arguments have not translated into public policies that respond to the real needs of mothers.
The emotional consequences of this invisibility are profound: anxiety, depression, exhaustion, and feelings of loneliness. The suffering of these women is not an individual matter, but rather the expression of a system that normalizes their sacrifice . In this sense, psychological distress is a symptom of a patriarchal and ableist structure that renders invisible both those who receive this care, people on the autism spectrum and other neurodivergent individuals, and those who provide this care.
Collective care as an alternative
Faced with the loneliness that comes with intensive motherhood, support networks and sisterhood offer a horizon of resilience and relief. Sharing experiences with other mothers in community spaces allows them to validate their emotions, break silences, and find new meaning in the experience of caregiving.
Díaz and Ramírez (2022) point out that the absence of public support programs has reinforced the importance of informal networks. Aksamit and Badia (2022) show that when support is tailored to the real needs of mothers, their self-esteem and well-being increase significantly. These findings demonstrate that shared care, while not eliminating the burden, does transform their experience. But shared care is not just about meetings or therapeutic group sessions, or spaces for sharing.
What wears mothers down is a cultural framework that makes their efforts invisible, that naturalizes the fact that their lives revolve around caregiving, and that judges them when they express tiredness or ambivalence.
Collective care is not only a practical strategy, but also a political horizon. It involves questioning the patriarchal model that privatizes care and demanding that it be recognized as a common good. In this sense, diverse motherhoods remind us that care can no longer be a task relegated to a few women, but rather a responsibility shared by all of society.
Talking about shared care and co-responsibility cannot be limited to a mere division of domestic tasks. While the involvement of men and extended family is important, the key is that, without firm public policies, allocated budgets, and enforcement mechanisms, care will remain private, invisible, and feminized. The experience of mothers of autistic individuals clearly demonstrates that the isolation of caregiving not only wears down their physical and mental health but also impacts the development, inclusion, and autonomy of their children.
When support exists, whether through respite services, personal assistance, educational inclusion programs, or publicly funded community networks , mothers can reclaim their own spaces in life, and autistic individuals find real opportunities for social participation. Conversely, in the absence of shared institutional responsibility, the burden falls primarily on mothers, reinforcing a structural injustice that condemns autistic individuals and their mothers to isolation and precariousness. Denouncing this situation is essential: caregiving can no longer depend on the silent dedication of a few women , but must be assumed as a collective responsibility, guaranteed by the government and backed by sufficient resources. Only in this way will caregiving cease to be invisible and become a pillar of social justice.
Support networks among women to empower themselves and break out of isolation
Moving towards change
The experience of motherhood for women with autistic children compels us to look beyond idealized narratives of maternal love. What wears these mothers down is not autism itself, but the lack of support, the invisibility of their caregiving responsibilities, and the patriarchal mandates that force them to shoulder a burden alone and, often, an overwhelming one.
The impact on their mental health—expressed as stress, anxiety, and depression—should not be interpreted as personal weakness, but rather as the result of an unjust social structure. Patriarchy and ableism work together: one demands limitless sacrifice, the other places the responsibility on families, primarily mothers, to provide what society fails to guarantee.
Moving towards structural change is essential. This implies:
- Recognize care as a social pillar, not as a private burden.
- Develop public policies that guarantee real support for autistic people and their families.
- Promote community networks that break maternal isolation.
- To foster a culture that values neurodiversity and rejects the stigmas that still weigh on disability, mental health and, especially, motherhood.
This and other diverse experiences of motherhood reveal the flaws in the dominant model and challenge us to imagine new ways of organizing care. Making this reality visible is not only an act of justice toward the mothers of autistic individuals, but also a necessary step toward building a more just and co-responsible society.
This article draws on research Diverse Motherhoods: Construction of the Social Role in Mothers of Autistic Individuals. A Theoretical Exploration of Maternal Reality and Invisible Caregiving [Final Degree Project, Ramon Llull University] (Sedeño, 2024), developed in the academic field of Social Education, which allowed me to delve deeper into the construction of the social role of mothers of autistic people and the invisibility of care.
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